About

Me

Yoga Move

Me Doing a Seated Twist

I started this blog to talk about what it’s like to weigh ~400lbs, and how it does and doesn’t affect my life. For the curious:

My height: 5′ 8″
Bust: 58″
Waist: 57″
Hips: 67″
BMI:60
Lean body mass: 42.2% (by hydrostatic weighing)

Currently I am not trying to alter my weight, either up or down.  I do exercise, but it’s for my own selfish reasons not weight loss or gain.

Photos

Humans are frequently visual creatures.  I feel if I’m writing about living in my body, it’s important to show what my body looks like. The photos I’m using put the focus on my body, not my face.  This is to fit the theme of the blog, which is about my body, but it also helps to maintain a bit of anonymity.

I also link to photos like those in Kate Harding’s BMI Project to help put mine in context.

me, stretching

me, stretching

Anonymous?

As I am writing about things like my health and my family’s health history, I am currently not using my name on the site.  I am also not showing my face.  I will also not be using the real names of friends or family.

Fat Acceptance

I don’t intend to make every post about fat acceptance.  But I find myself writing in a context where fat acceptance is assumed.  If this is a new idea for you, bop over to the “About Fat Acceptance” page.

Comments

Comments are welcome.  I reserve the right to moderate out comments preaching weight-loss programs, weight-loss surgery, or general fat bashing.  I also frown on general rudeness.

Why Living400lbs?

I originally was going to name this blog “Living ~400lbs”, but WordPress does not support the tilde (~) character.  Dang. ;)

Can I Email You?

Yes. My email is:  living400lbs AT gmail DOT com.

108 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi. I just came over from Shapely Prose…just wanted to “introduce myself” cuz I feel weird and a teeny bit voyeuristic lurking on people’s personal blogs without at least saying hi. :)

    • hello my name is robert, im 37 african american male and im about 410 pounds overweight with severe health promblems. luv to hear your advice. robert. email me at rcorp123154@yahoo.com this is also for anyone to email me also thanks.

    • i’m 6 foot, 400 pounds, and I can’t breathe. I hate it. I get anxiety attacks from the pressure of the weight, I am trying to lose but have really gotten myself in a hot mess

  2. I made it to the age of 50 finally. I used to be slim and beautiful (so says society) now I am 250 lbs. I haven’t had a picture taken of me in more than 13 years. I made the decision and just havent done it.Now I am looking for a photographer who specializes in the female body and could make me feel more comfortable. I’ve got an idea of what I want the photo to look like. I want a true photo, but I want to appear “otherworldly” ..you know kind of like a fairy but one with an attitude. Lots of flora and fauna and then me. ANy suggestions or do you have a list of photographers in the louisiana area (New Orleans, slidell, covington) that might want a true challenge?

  3. I am male and have been totally blind all my life. These facts do not in themselves define me of course, but they give me a particular perspective. As part of that perspective, blindness is less common to most people’s experience than maleness, and so might be more interesting.

    A point that I’ve made elsewhere is that my initial impression of a person has nothing to do with their appearance. In other words, by the time I find out what someone “looks like” in my tactile terms, I already know if I’m attracted to them as a person. I am pleased about this. It probably means that i keep the physical aspects of attraction more separate than sighted people do.

    It so happens that, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been physically attracted to women who would be defined as fat. However, as I just said, this comes later in a developing relationship. A questionable analogy might be that you may have a general idea that you prefer Paris to New York City but, in the end, the quality of your experience will come down to what you do while you’re there.

    I’m saying all this because I’m very aware of the extent to which a visually dominated world distorts people’s ability to have a self image which isn’t battered by what others think it should be.
    (Yes, a non-visual world has its own distortions, but that is another discussion.)

    The totally heartless way in which commercial interests are prepared to exploit fear of difference and fear of illness in order to make money, makes the fact that I, as a blind person, may walk smack into the odd pole, seem like not such a bad deal after all.

    All credit to you for setting this up, and good luck.

    Reg

    • Thank you so much for posting this, you write beautifully and your thoughts which have helped me clarify my own confused feelings.

  4. I wrote a little piece on Gina Kolata’s Article “Does Exercise Really Keep Us Healthy?” You will find we have a similar stance, although you are a much nicer person than I. (http://gregalario.com/?p=437) I applaud your effort with your blog. I am impressed with your journey to find a healty lifestyle. If there is anything I can do for you, don’t hestitate to ask.

    Sincerely,
    Greg Alario

    • First off, I’d like to say that you look healthy. And, the fact that you exercise (even if it is only for you) my hat goes off to you. After going through several long and painful surgeries. I myself gained about 50-60 lbs. Although, I am not close to your weight. I must acknowledge the fact that you have much better flexibility and better skin tone. Stumbling across your blog has inspired me. I have lost approx. 25 lbs. of the weight I gained but, my strength and flexibility are crap! I think I may take a look at your approach to life and find strength in it. By exercising and stretching I know I’ll feel better. Rather the roller coaster of gain & loss of dieting. I wish you and your family happiness for many years to come. And, I will try to strive for the self acceptance you embrace!
      Warmly, Angela
      PS you rock girl!

  5. I am glad I found your blog! I am a slim…well too skinny guy who has always loved what I like to call “fluffy” women. I think everyone should love themselves the way they are. I always say, why worry about what you eat? Why deprive yourself the pleasure? We don’t know if we have the promise of tomorrow, so live it up today. I also tell people, you can be overweight and healthy! Keep up the blog, I will blogroll you, I think more people need to have your attitude! Bravo!

  6. Hi! I came over from SP too. I like your writing. I really relate to, “You need to eat a sammich” (or, “‘we all’ get to decide what kind of body YOU should have!”). I wish I could see your face but I totally understand why you’d decline!

    Reg wrote, “It so happens that, for as long as I can remember, I’ve been physically attracted to women who would be defined as fat. ”

    Well gee, I think about 97% of women would be defined as “fat” (see SP’s recent post re: Jessica Simpson), so really MOST guys like fat chicks! (tongue firmly planted in cheek).

    Ms. Living400lbs., I am liking your blog very much!

  7. Hello, I just stumbled onto this site. I too am a 409 girl. I am not as lucky as you seem to be. I cannot walk too far or stand for any length of time. I am 5′ 3″. Both of my knees should have replacements but I don’t think that I could handle the therapy with all this weight.
    I just love food, cooking, eating, sharing with friends. It is my passion. Just wanted to share a little about myself. I will keep reading and enjoying all comments.

    • Welcome! I am between 5’8″ and 5’9″, so we are definitely a little different. I did injure my leg about 18 months ago and ended up doing physical therapy to “fix” it – which I still need to keep up on. Part of why I post about exercise is to show that I do DO it, and partly because I am consciously adding it to my life, which means I’m THINKING about it.

      If my life were setup so I just walked a mile to work? I probably wouldn’t think about it so much ;)

      Oh, and about food? I discovered today that if I hop on the office treadmill at 1 I can, if I choose, watch 30-Minute Meals. Generally I find these good for giving me cooking ideas, so I like this :)

    • Hi you sound like you are in a similar position to me. I am 390 but only an itty bitty 5ft and half an inch. walking kills me and if I stand for any longer than a minute my back and hips feel as if they are going to snap of just cave in on themselves.
      How old are you I was wondering if you might want to consider being email buddies we might not have anything in common other than being overweight but if we do it could be good.

  8. You’re blog is awesome….I too am living at 400lbs. Actually down to about 380 now that it is summer….

    I love who I am and could give a damn about what other people think. I plan on getting healthier but not because I’m FAT.

    You rock!

  9. Hi…found your blog completely by accident. I hate most blogs as being self-absorbed claptrap, but yours is interesting. Great links and no whining/crying and apologizing for your size. I am also a large woman. A bit over 400, but once weighed over 500. Had gastric bypass and lost 140, but did not became anywhere close to thin. Have only regained some of the weight these past 12 years. I eat moderately most of the time (who among us is perfect), exercise as regularly as I can, eat very healthy food, have a very active sex life and am SICK TO DEATH of this schizophrenic culture of Eat this! (Insert your fast food restauranct commercial here) followed by Hi..I lost X lbs on the NEW Jenny Craig!! Your blog is a breath of fresh air. I may drop by from time to time to see what’s doing and to have a conversation.

  10. Hi there;

    Got this from my Mom so I don’t know who the author was, but I thought it would be great to share here. I just love this!

    Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym.

    It said: “THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?”

    A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

    To Whom It May Concern:

    Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

    Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don’t have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

    The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

    P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a coffee with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, “Good gosh, look how smart I am!”

  11. I’m glad to have found your blog as you are one of my favorite commenters over on SP.

    It feels good to see a photo of someone who looks like me! Well, I’m much shorter with dark hair, but our body shapes are similar. I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts!

  12. I hope you don’t mind me blog-stalking you… I’ve thought your comments elsewhere were smart, and your posts here are of the same quality. :)

  13. Love the stretching pictures!! I’m a stretchaholic and I adore hearing about and seeing others stretch. So many people neglect it! Good job :)

  14. Hi

    Just want to say that I love your Blog and often link it to Fat Acceptance conversations at my own hangouts.

    I like that you focus on fat topics that matter to most of us who have good and bad Fat Days. Talk like that is even more important in the Fat-o-sphere when conversation go all over the place.

    William

  15. My current favorite story is how being fat saved an Australian woman from a flesh eating virus/bacteria?. Basically the virus got tired out before it ever reached her vital organs which is what would cause a skinny person to die.

    http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24414113-421,oo.html

    I wish I could find a way to broach the topic now that I work for the YMCA and most of the childcare providers like me are fat. Maybe I can help them to be a little more inclusive in their health promoting activities?

  16. hi again… I have put reading your entire blog on my todo list because I am a fan and appreciate your perspectives and your comments on my blog. I too hover around 400. I want to get some more movement into my life and I look forward to some commenting back and forth about exercise/movement and whatever else we feel like… cheers, Ivan

  17. Hi. I really like your blog. I think that your point of view is great and should be expressed just like any other point of view. I love that you are focusing on your healthy lifestyle.

  18. Hi. I am happy to have found this site, especially the links under Illustrating Size Talk.

    I have battled weight all my life. In my 20′s I got down to a ‘normal’ weight. I went from a high of 215lbs to a fluctuation between 130 – 140 lbs throught diet and exercise. I am 5’2″.

    I am happy with my weight loss but suffer from something….I don’t know what. I have no concept of my size now. In my head I am still 215 lbs. I still see ‘thin’ people as NOT me. If I see another person my exact height, weight and build, I think ‘wow she looks good’ as in I wish I looked that good – but I do look like that. I think this is called phantom fat or something. I don’t know.

    Anyway, that is why I like the Illustrated section. It also helps to see other people’s fat so that I know that I am normal.

  19. Hi, I too am happy to find this site. My mother weighs over 400 lbs and weighs more each year. Each year she does less and has more trouble walking, breathing, moving basically living. She can still drive but gets out maybe once a month to go to McDonalds or Wendys. She has alot of problems that I guess are common with weighing 400lbs. Namely all of the ones you mentioned but is now having difficulty walking from the chair to the bathroom. She has a walker, never goes anywhere except McD’s. I have watched her get bigger my entire life and do not know what to do. She asks for things I know are not good for her but how do I say no. Anyway I hope you stay healthy and positive and live a full life. Thanks for your blog.

    • Sarah –

      Gaining substantial amounts of weight each year isn’t exactly normal. My weight has been stable for over 5 years; if we don’t count my last diet (lost 30, regained 40) it’s been stable for 10.

      I don’t know if it makes sense for you to encourage her to exercise and (perhaps) see a doctor, but it might help.

    • Did you take your mother to the doctor? I’m like your mother–I have been consistently gaining weight for the last five years. When I was younger, it was easy to lose weight. Now, it seems like I’m caught in a Catch-22. One of my kneecaps is dislocated and the bone in my other knee is dying. I can’t be half as active as I used to be. I used to ride bikes, walk my dogs–I never sat still. As soon as my knees went out and I was less active…BOOM. I also had a complete hysterectomy three years ago…and everyone keeps telling me you can’t lose a lot of weight after menopause. Meanwhile, I’m in pain every day. I bet your mom feels like I do–powerless. I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel responsible for my choices in life. Loving your mom is the best you can do–and being true to what you feel is right is so important. You know, if she was an alcoholic, would you buy her some beer? You have every right not to add to her diet. I feel for you both!

  20. Pingback: Monthly Roundup (Nov & Dec) « Living ~400lbs

  21. Hey, everyone. I have come to this website a number of times but this is actually the first time that I had the courage to post anything. I’m 21 years old, and I weigh over 400 lbs. Everyone compliments me on my facial beauty, not my shape and that gets me a little down sometimes I admit. I have a wonderful boyfriend that I have been with for 3 years now. He claims he loves my body but I catch him glancing at other smaller women from time to time and it stings. We’ve talked about it and he says he loves me and me only but…. When I’m feeling confident and sexy, like the world is at my feet, he hardly pays attention to my looks- but when I’m having a bad “feel sorry for myself day” that’s when he wants to flood me with compliments. Don’t get me wrong, I welcome the praise, but I want to know that when we are being intimate, that it’s really me he’s thinking about and not a smaller chick. I know he loves me but sometimes I let my weight get the best of my self esteem. I know that this is an uplifting website and that I am COMPLETELY off topic but I need advice.

    • my heart goes out to you…i weight 407..and i can’t ever tell anyone…not even my best friend. I’m so limited in what i can and cannot do…it’s so hard to live..and it’s not that i don’t care..i do..i don’t eat anymore than anyone else…i live with my best friend…and she eats more than i do..and weights 150lbs less. When i was 280lbs..my boyfriend left me because I was overweight..We’d been together for 4 years..I waited for him while he was in Iraq…but the wait was hard..and i went on anti depressants. i gained over 100lbs in the 2 years he was gone. Your boyfriend tells you he loves you…that he loves your body. Take it for what it’s worth…if he wanted someone else..he’d be with someone else. I would know from personal experience. when my ex and I met..i was a size 8…now i’m a little over 400lbs…and alone.

  22. We have the same stats–and we even share hair color. I’m glad I found your blog today. I was googling, “What should a 400 pound woman wear to work” and your blog popped up on the list.

    I’m so glad to be here!

  23. Hi! You are awesome and your pictures tell the real story. I really appreciate that you share your perspective on WATRD and that you are a part of our community.

    If you ever want to guest post, let me know!
    mamaV

  24. Pingback: February Monthly Roundup « Living ~400lbs

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  26. Just Thank heaven for you and your courage. I too share your body type and approximate weight. I googled ’400 lb lesbian’ to see if i could read a story like mine. Have no idea of your preferences, but your message is sooo important, and moreover , you re not a whiner , excuse maker or hater. Just a real woman with a real body and a real life.! Love it. Thank You.

  27. Terrific blog. As a midlife deathfatz, I am grateful for the community. While marriage and work and family have been secure for decades, and I am comfortable in my atheist, bisexual, anarchosocialist, cultural worker identities, I only “came out” as fat-identified in the past 5 years.

    Funny, the only identity other than white cis-woman that was obvious to all gazes, and the one that trumps all else if all that is seen of me is what is, well, seen, is my fatness. How odd that it took this long to just be – and calmly say -”fat”

    I just had an IM chat with my SO, including these tidbits:

    There is a bit of a problem in some (misreads?) in the promotion of HAES, in that we are expected (by those who are budding converts/semi-supporters of HAES) to be good fatties (vs bad fatties), who eat lots of veg and do lots of trad exercise. Which, IMO, misses the point of HAES, and is like being colonized by the well-meaning missionaries of Planet Gym.
    ……
    Exactly. The notion that Planet Gym will give grudging citizenship to fatties who are at least “trying” (to change/diminish their bodies and their psyches) makes me say, no thanks, fuck assimilation.
    ……..
    And the “nicer” version of pseudoacceptance is, well, “look, she really does eat her veg and move her ass so being fat is not her fault, poor thing. Maybe someday science will be able to fix her and she won’t be fat (white, gay, ugly, short, etc)” …bleh

    Again, thanks for this blog!

  28. Hi!

    I came across your blog when I was on Google, and your title was so different, I had to click on it!

    You can expect me to comment on just about everything you’ve posted. : ]

  29. Have really enjoyed reading your blog and all the comments on it.
    I to am a big girl , I have decided to have lap band surgery , am due to go have it done in 3 weeks time, not sure if its the right decision after reading more and more ppls stories but am guna give it a go!!
    Keep smiling ,
    Mel x

  30. Wow! You don’t look it, but I am 400 lbs. and everyone thinks I “carry it well” too. Like you, I have a social life, sex life, etc. However, I hate the fact that I can’t go up a flight of stairs without breathing heavily. I am on a quest to lose….for me! I don’t want any ailments developing due to obesity.

  31. I found your blog today, and it makes me smile. I actually found your it when I googled “good pants for active fat people”. I’ve just started a horticulture program, and really need some comfortable “outdoorsy” pants, because my jeans just don’t cut it in this humidity. I feel like I can barely move in them, as they stick to my legs from the sweating outside while being active. I’ve had a hard time finding anything in my size.

    About 8 months ago, I was weighed at the doctors at around 300lbs. I’m 23 years old, 5’4″. The NP (a heavier woman as well) looked at my chart and saw that when I was 18, I weighed 203lbs. She expressed a lot of concern in the rate of weight gain, and said I was “at risk” and needed to “make some changes”. I wasn’t offended at all, because I knew her initial concerns were about how I packed on 100lbs in 4 1/2 years–which I’ll admit, is a bit disconcerting. She would have reacted differently had I been that weight the whole time.
    Basically, it was brought on by stress at college, especially following a knee injury (dislocated knee cap with a hairline fracture in patella) first freshman semester that’s made me much less inclined to be active like I used to be–and depressed. An easy keeper, I packed on around 30lbs within two months following the knee injury.

    Flashback to when I was in high school. I was 290lbs. at age 14. I got down to about 185lbs. at 16 in high school from barely eating. I literally ate one or two bites a day. It was a poor choice on my part, and I’ll never do it again. I stayed sick with colds all the time, and caught anything that was going around. What frustrates me the most is remembering how many compliments I received for all that “wonderful weight-loss”… yet remembering how weak and frail I felt while still hating my body. People couldn’t see how limp and thin my hair was, the dark circles under my eyes, the paleness of my face? All that resentment, and I projected a little hostility toward other fat people… thinking they could easily lose weight, “it’s not that hard”. Haha “Right,” my 23 year old self says to 16 year old me… “all they have to do is essentially starve themselves the way you’re doing, huh?” My younger self not only thought that they “could” but that they “should”. Which is insulting to me… that I could have ever been that naive and ignorant.
    Now, I get stares from people I’ve known since then, and have heard–through the grapevine of course–speculations of how much weight I’ve “picked up”. As if I’ve transformed into something weak-willed, lazy, disgusting–an uglier version of who I once was. People who are as immature as I once was, but never grew out of it.

    I never thought I would envy myself, but after gaining several pounds, I did go through a self-hate phase when I was throwing on the pounds in college… and happened to look back at old pictures of my graduation in high school and wondered why that sickly person hated herself so much, cause I thought I looked pretty normal there–as in not remarkably big… not so big someone would stare. But now I realize, it’s because even though I was getting thinner… I wasn’t taking care of myself, and therefore I resented everything and everyone because I was depriving myself of the fullness a woman needs.
    I now find myself liking who I am more, and wishing that others would realize that, even though I’ve gained so much weight *again*, I’m still the same person I was when I was smaller. I especially wish this of my sister… who, incidentally, is 25 years old, 5’1″ 115lbs–slim all her life, and eats what she wants.

    I intend to stop gaining weight, and I think I’ve even lost some weight from a pond project I have been working on all summer. But I will like myself no matter what size I am.

    That felt really good to say. I’ve never typed that outloud before. Now… on to find some pants I can do some horticulture projects in!

  32. Pingback: I’m squishy, but I’m NOT obese | Living ~400lbs

  33. I’m 23…. I just learned today that I weigh 400 lbs.. last i checked 8 months ago i was 330.. either something is severely wrong with me or the doctors scale is fucked…i eat healthy… 1200 calories a day.. all veggies and fruits and lean meats.. a very well balanced diet and i excercise 3 times a week on top of walking or biking everywhere… yet i still seem to be gaining weight… and no… i’m not ok with it… i’m confident in who i am as a person and i love myself unconditionally but i still hate my body… and hate myself at the same time for being the way I am even though I can’t seem to change it… Right now I’d rather just… starve myself to death…

  34. Hi:

    I’m a student who was googling the Minnesota Starvation Exp and found your site. I think it is great what you are trying to do, provide support and encouragement for those struggling with obesity. I agree with you nobody should be discriminated against but I have to disagree with your declaration to not try to lose weight but be healthy because am I wrong that the two can’t coincide with what you are going through? I cannot see wanting to be at risk for the many health problems and serious consequences associated with it. Losing weight is incredibly difficult, and many of us have steep uphill climbs. I hope nobody finds these comments to be offensive but I hope you find the emotional support to get to where you want to be

  35. Hi:

    Agreed…read the NYT article [which I always go into skeptically taking anything as valid when reported by the media rather than reading research articles this has been drilled into my head but from personal exp I am biased to agree] plus your comments on the MN Starvation Exp. I think it is INCREDIBLY dangerous to diet, and I hope no one does it!!! I personally think there is gospel truth to healthy diet and does not start and begin with exercise alone…here is why.

    I’m right there with you, I was at risk and I am of normal weight range…it was scary to discover, I am pretty young. The reason for me was illness which caused hormonal changes and the development of metabolic syndrome [risk for heart disease]. I am a person, who off and on enjoys running, I’m not a freak about it but I would not consider myself inactive. I’m in the big apple and that helps too with walking. :-) I was not a believer but a radical change in the way I looked at food and what I put in my body [the first 2 wks were hard I won't lie] it helped drastically and my cholesterol and blood pressure normalized.

    Completely agree that being active is very, very important. I always thought dieting was the only way but adjusting what I ate to maximize health [the old mantra], it worked and hopefully it falls into place for others too. Not many people love to do it because food is one of those guilty pleasures in life but I don’t miss that slice of pizza so much anymore. Btw, also ended up losing weight without starving myself which was so great!

    From reading the article and my experience, obesity does not equal poor health and being thin does not equal great health. Obesity is simply a risk factor and the NYT article does not negate that, and for me I want to look through the lens of science, not stigma.

    Your blog is great! I was reading the comments, and I think you provide inspiration and support. I’ve overcome some very hard times too and emotional support is so important. I hope that everyone gets to where they want to be, keep it up!

    Best,

    Amy

  36. Hi- I’m 394.8 lbs. I hate it. I’m trying to lose it. I mean for gods sake it’s getting to the point where I can’t climb stairs- which is ridiculous! It’s nice to see other people ok with their weight- I use to be like that but now I just stay depressed about it. My joints hurt so bad & I can’t find an OTC med that helps with that & all the RX drugs knock me out- so I’m having a time trying to find something that helps through workouts. Literally, I’m thinkingof smoking weed just to ease the pain but then I’m scared of the heart attack thing…. Anyway I love your courage & envy how you’re comfortable with yourself. Thanks for blogging.

  37. Wow, you have courage. I can honestly say I do not have courage like you. I am 32, current don’t know what my weight is exactly, but last time I checked it was 277. I am 5’6″. I am uncomfortable in my body, I wish I had your outlook, I try to see things as you do, its terribly hard though. I am also in a wheelchair right now due to a car accident that left me with a broken femur, so I keep on gaining. I will be bookmarking you webpage to follow your story. Good luck to you!

  38. I’ve been having my own dilemma. I’m probably not as heavy as most people on here, right now I’m about 220, but I also smoke 1 to 3 packs a day (1 most days but if I get real stressed out I start smoking a whole lot.) My problem is that I want to quit smoking but every time I’ve tried I gain weight and in the end go back to smoking, only I don’t lose the weight. I’ve also learned that smoking changes your metabolism and the doctor that told me I would quit without gaining weight because it was ‘all in my head’ was full of crap. So I know if I quit I will gain weight but I really do want to quit, or at least cut down to where I only smoke when I want to, not every day because I can’t do without it. Any ideas?

  39. Hello,
    I just stumbled upon this blog last night and i just wanted to comment about how moved I felt. I’m about 5’6″, a size 28 and probably over 330lbs. I say probably because I’ve refused to step foot on a scale for several years now…but the weight limit is supposedly 330 on the Wii Fit balance board and it doesn’t register me (grrr…). I’ve been told I hold me weight well though. Is that really a compliment? :/

    I’ve been put on diets ever since I was 8 years old (Slim Fast! O_O) by my grandmother who had me convinced I would die unhappy and alone because no one would want to love, hire, ect. a fat person. I finally put my foot down around age 16 when I almost blacked out during PE because I was on the Atkin’s diet…but one a restrictive diet on top of that! (My grandma felt that she needed to limit my protein intake on top of the no carbs crap…) I honestly believe that I wouldn’t be as big as I am if it weren’t for her forcing me on those yo-yo diets.

    But I digress. I’m now 25 and actually getting married this month to a wonderful man who thinks I’m beautiful. We’re both going to try and work in some sort of exercise routine (for our own selfish reasons!) in our lives because we’ve been unhappy with how sedentary our life’s been getting. He reminds me that exercise should be about health, and not trying to down a dress size or ten :p And slowly he’s kicking all that negative emotion my entire family has stuck me with my whole life. Lately, I’ve been able to look in the mirror and see that I do look pretty and I cant wait for my fiancé to see me in my wedding dress! I’ve never been skinny my entire life, and I most likely never will, but it really doesn’t bother me personally anymore.

    So anyway, I just wanted to thank you for making this blog and making people like me feel less alone in the world. I’m more a lurked than an actual poster, but I’ve truly enjoy what I’ve read so far and now started digging in the archives :)

  40. Hello. I found your site a few days ago and found it to be very relevant to my own life. I am sitting here waiting to go to a doctor’s appointment for a workman’s comp situation and I am dreading it because I currently weigh 400 pounds, up about 30 pounds from a checkup with the same doctor a year ago. I am female, 42 years old and am 5’11″. I have been fat since my teenage years, but have gained 130 pounds over the last 4 1/2 years which is when I stopped being a stay at home mom who walked everywhere she went and started my current desk job. I have been referred for weight loss surgery, but chose to ignore it as I am terrified of mutilating a perfectly working digestive system. I have no presenting health problems – no diabetes, no cholesterol issues, nothing other than knee pain which began when I sprained my knee when I slipped on ice 3 years ago. Oddly, I have never received any diet or nutrition advice other than “eat less, move more” and the surgery referral. I want to say that I am happy no matter my size, but I know that is not true. I dread airline travel and avoid having my picture taken at all costs. I am sick of diets that don’t work or that work initially but then I end up gaining back the weight and then some. I am not sure what the answer is, but I am pretty sure that another diet is not it. It is helpful to read your blog and others like to know that I am not alone and that I still “count” as a human person. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the rest of us.

  41. You are not 5′ 8″. You are much shorter than that and I’m sure that you are also much lighter than 400 pounds! (probably closer to 300) You fool! You will do anything for attention. This is ridiculous. Shame on you.

  42. Love your site. I am 5’9″ and ~500lbs. I too am sick of doctors trying to blame evey ailment on my weight! I know I am fat, but I am also smart. And I too will not have bariatric surgery. Thank you for giving us larger folks a voice and a place where we are welcomed and not ridiculed.

  43. I have been fat all my life and I am 61 years old and still here. I am about 250 pounds. At my highest I was 360 pounds. In 1989, I went on a 16 year programme of exercise and good eating, every day/hour and minute fighting the cravings and desire for food. I lost 172 pounds and felt great. I said I would never gain weight again! However the weight loss stopped and the weight started to slowly creep back. Three years after the maximum weight loss I slowly gained 20 pounds and beat myself up psycologically every day over it for a several years. I got married for the first time in 2003 after all those years of not feeling good enough to have a husbamd. Now I am still 100 pounds less that my high weight but nonetheless still very fat. I am sick and tired of playing the weight game and have stopped: It’s a goons game. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and have not lived it because all the people thought I was too fat. Alleged “beautfy”according to existing North American standards is superficial at best and oh so temporary.

  44. hii

    i am 5ft 2 and over 400lbs. im not completly satisfied with my weight but very fed up with fighting it constantly.

    me and my husband have been trying to concieve for a yr n half now (trust me no lack of trying).. with no success sadly.

    so.. im thinking its clearly impossible for me to concieve at this weight. anybody know different?

  45. I’m interested in this blog. I think it’s COOL! I havent made it to 400 lbs yet, but there are many good posts here. Very interesting.

  46. Hey there! Just found this (awesome!) blog and noticed some folks asking about photos. I’m in the Seattle area, and while I don’t have anything close to the kind of time I used to to do photography work, when I do work, what I focus on most is portraiture to explore and help people of all shapes, sizes and ages with body image and sexual self-image.

    My time is super-limited, but I love doing that work, would be bored to tears with only or even mostly portrait subjects who fit mainstream beauty standards, and so if anyone around here wants and needs that, I’d certainly be happy to talk about it. Sometimes I can also afford to do the work pro-bono. I haven’t updated my basic portfolio site in a while, but if you want to peek at some of my work, you can click over to http://www.heathercorinna.com and you’re welcome to drop me a line at heatherATheathercorinnaDOTcom. If anyone wants any references for me, there are plenty to be found in fat-acceptance circles (Kate Harding and Hanne Blank can speak for me, for starters). Best to everyone!

  47. I found out yesterday I am up to 444. That is actually after a month of major serious dieting including 2 weeks of juice fasting and a fairly strict vegan plan. I am wondering how high I got before I started working on the weight. For now, I am hurting and unable to work at my chosen profession (I’m a nurse) so I am training for medical coding. I am seriously working to do what I can where I am. I need help learning to accept myself. tnfirefly@gmail.com

  48. You look really good. Doesn’t seem possible that you’re 400 pounds. I’m about 440 pounds and 5’3″ but feel that I’m MUCH bigger than you. I haven’t been exercising like you apparently do, so that’s probably a big reason.

    • Angela (hate to be a necrobumper but felt I needed to share this),
      The reason why you may seem larger than her is because you are below the average height for an adult. Depending on your height, your body mass could appear larger than someone of the same sex and weight. So although you may consider lack of exercise being the reason for your larger body, that is not exactly the case (though it could very well be part of it).

  49. Hi I’m 6’0″ 455lbs and I am at the end of my rope. Suicidal thoughts pass thru my mind more often than they use to. I would pay, give & sacrifice so much just to be thin for a day. I lost 70 lbs. in 2010 and I have put it all back on. The doc says I suffer from moderate to mark depression. I have given up on life. I am on unemployment now I am too big to get hired anywhere. So now I sit in my room reading and playing my ps3 wondering will I wake up the next morning. I’m angry about something and I can’t seem to figure it out. Nice clothes in my closet don’t fit anymore. My shoes ruin easy since I’m so heavy in them. I try the gym but can’t afford it right now so I jog at the park and their people point and or laugh. I had one lady walk by me and say “You’re the real mission impossible”. I have respect for all so I took a deep breath and kept steppin. I’m just done. I don’t even feel sorry for myself anymore I just want to hide all the time.

    • Kales,

      Posting that took courage. Well done.

      The first thing I want to say to you is that I come from and and to a great degree still am in very similar circumstances to you. I also have had and sometimes still have the same feelings of hopelessness and futility that you share about here.

      I think it is a fact that when in a fragile emotional state, all the bad feelings and thoughts seem more intense than they are. This has been my life experience 100% of the time. With that I want to say to you that things are not as bad as they seem.

      again…

      Things are not as bad as they seem.

      The next thing I want to say to you is…

      You are not alone.

      I am 46 years old, 5’7″ and I weigh 405.
      I don’t get out much because my mobility is limited. I find it difficult to stand for a long period of time. I am permanently disabled from hernia’s related to another illness, but all the world sees when they look at me and evaluate my value is an obese guy who ate himself to immobility. I have been so disheartened about life and my obesity has played a major role in my losing heart.

      Why wouldn’t anyone want to not do anything but hide when the world treats us with such hostility as illustrated by the hateful comment you heard while moving your body in a park.

      Please google HAES and Health at Every Size(™) and find some community with others like the writer of this blog to learn about another valid perspective about your current life circumstances.

      Finally, I have to thank you. I got involved with the Size Acceptance/ Health at Every Size(™) community about 4-5 years ago. Over the last two years or so I have been lost and alone not wanting to do anything, and longing to find my heart again. Living the reality of being my size and having the limitations on my movement contributed to getting me into the frame of mind you describe of yourself in your comment. Reading your brave comment made me really want to connect again with the community, which I see is really one of the most valuable things this movement has to offer a man like me.

      • I am happy to say that [...] I am now 293lbs. last time I weighed myself and that was about a week ago. I was hesitant to post this because I remember how I felt when I would read other peoples story of knocking down there weight. I would be happy for them but feel even more of a failure to myself. [...] Thank you Lord I love you and I finally love me.

  50. hey, if you can answer this i would highly appreciate it im 22 and i weigh….well i dont know how much i weigh i dont know where can i weigh myself? i know im over 400 so where’s is a good place to do this? i have always been overweight and this has affected every aspect of my life from talking to others and making friends to just being myself im trying to overcome this but i hard but it can be overcame

    • Generally I would expect a doctor’s office to allow weighing you, but we all know that many doctor’s scales top out at 350lbs. You can buy scales that weigh people over 400lbs from Amplestuff. You can also find them at Living XL.

      Another option is to stand on 2 scales at once and add, but this ISN’T accurate. ;)

  51. You write so well. I live in Seattle too. I have had a fear of leaving the house since I was a child. I weigh 450 pounds. I had four children when I weighed more than 300 pounds. No problems in conceiving, gestation ,c-sections, breastfeeding, and raising children because of my weight.

  52. Hi. What a huge amount of info on a website! Thanks. I weigh 440 lbs. I am 41. Married to a lovely husband, have two fab kids ( no problem with pregnancies ) I have a lovely house , my own busines and am a published author. I work out in the gym three times a week. I am successful in many aspects of life yet i feel totally ridiculous because I have to check restaurant chair sizes before eating out or access to attractions that have turnstiles etc. I live in England and we are far less geared up for bigger people than America – we have very little access to larger clothing for example. I am all for bigger people being accepted and with more sites like this around… well, it makes a little dent in perception.

  53. I think it’s great that you have this blog and represent not only yourself but another perspective on population of people who are represented in an usually negative way. To be fat and active is an active of civil disobedience. Thanks for sharing you life and experience! I also started a health/fitness blog with a friend sharing our experience as large women of color running. Please check it out, http://www.biggirlsrun2.com

  54. Hi. I just stumbled onto your blog. I was googling trying to find somewhere to buy clothes to fit. I’m pretty sure I’m more than living400. Haven’t been close to a set of scales in about 3 years. None of the seem to go high enough. I am hoping that by finding your blog, I might learn to live with myself. I’m closer to being 50 than I want to admit and am afraid I’m stuck like this so I need to learn how to accept it. Thank you for sharing with the world I hope to spend some time here over the next little while reading your posts.

  55. Hi. Got to ur blog at Glorify. I am too living 400LBs. Thanks for your blog. Its hard finding someone to relate too on the net. I look forward to visiting often.

  56. Pingback: BMI BS | Fractured Ideals

  57. I googled bras for fat women and found your blog, all I can say is lucky me. I used to think that people my size (5’2 419 lbs) were very few and far between. I now see that we are plenty and we are very capable and deserving of wonderful things in this world. Thanks for all of the information about where to shop and all the great advice. I will definitely be back. You have a new fan! : )

  58. Pingback: 2013 at Living 400lbs | Living ~400lbs

  59. Hey! I’m just stopping by, and I want to say, I really support you. You seem like such a sweet and kind person and the stuff you write really helps me imagine what it’s like to live when, well, heavier. I’m not myself but… I think fat acceptance is very important.

    p.s. I think you’re cute, too. :)

  60. Pingback: Aiming for the Wrong Target | Tiana the Health Coach

  61. My husband is a little over 400 lbs, 6′ 2″ tall, and in his mid 30s. No health problems so far except his morbid obesity. He eats as I do, yet I am 158 lbs. he is very active, stronger than most men, and can work circles around men 1/3 his size. I have been married to him 13 years with 3 kids and find him very attractive. The only reason for him to loose weight would be to insure that his health does not decline and to be around for me and his kids as long as possible. Good luck with your blog ;) God bless!

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