Dating!

I’d been married for years when I started this blog.  That may be why I don’t post about dating much.  But I ran across this blog post and it said a lot of things I agree with.

[It’s] perfectly cool if you don’t find fat people attractive. Anyone who tells you that you are obliged to find any particular set of features attractive is an insecure git who needs the weight of numbers before they can relax.

You may be attractive to a small number of people. That’s cool.

The question is, are those people attractive to you?

If so, then awesome!  […]

If not, then you have that icktacular quandary of deciding how much you feel like changing for them.

Because here’s the ugly truth and the truth of ugly: you’re not going to have a 100% success rate at attracting the people you want. You just won’t, not over the course of a lifetime.
[….]
“Normal” society, yes, rewards skinny people disproportionately. But it also rewards white people disproportionately. And straight people disproportionately. And men disproportionately. And if I’m not fucking careful, I can internalize those irrational hatreds and come to believe that there’s something wrong with me instead of society.

I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. That’s fine. I’m somebody’s cup of tea, and they’re mine, and that’s the important thing.

Last weekend I saw a fat woman with short gray hair wearing a t-shirt that said “I’m someone’s fetish”.

Now, “fetish” is a loaded term. It’s applied to characteristics or actions that society doesn’t think should be arousing. I’ve known people who identify as fetishists and those who reject the term. In this case, it seemed the woman with the tshirt was acknowledging that she was older and fat…and affirming that she’s a sexual person anyway. That’s pretty cool.

The blog post refers to a similar shirt too, so I went hunting. I found the one above in men’s and women’s sizes and another one in men’s sizes. Just in case anyone else wants one.

“We Love Colors” Tights

I finally got some “We Love Colors” Tights, and yes, I got them from Amazon.

“We Love Colors” tights in kelly green. Blue & white dress from Making It Big some years ago.

“We Love Colors” tights in kelly green. Blue & white dress from Making It Big some years ago.

I was very pleased that they’re bright and not sheer. They definitely jazzed up my dress and got a lot of happy comments.

Photo of my leg in the direct overhead light of our kitchen. Foot is wearing Keen's Rose Sandal.

Photo of my leg in the direct overhead light of our kitchen. Foot is wearing Keen’s Rose Sandal.

I got the size “EE”, which is for “5’5″ – 6’0″ and 320-375 lbs”. I’m 5’8″, so smack in the middle of the height range, and about 430lbs, so well over the weight range. They fit well, not too loose or too tight, and came up to my natural waist.

I did wear a panty girdle over them so I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping them up. I didn’t have chub rub, but I usually don’t unless it’s extra humid, so I don’t think the tights necessarily have special chub rub protection properties.

So…Clothes

Fat woman with cellphone

Image courtesy of Rudd Image Gallery

The “What if you’re too big for Lane Bryant” post appears to be permanently hanging in the “Top Posts & Pages” list, I swear. Yes, I am still (mostly) too fat for LB, though I do sometimes get bras and tees there (and Seanan McGuire helpfully tweeted today that it’s “buy 2, get 2 free” bra time.)

In other clothes stuff…

I’m still getting things from Gwynnie Bee. On the good side, I’m learning things like “IGIGI 5x tends to fit me” and “Kiyonna 5X doesn’t fit me”.  On the bad side, some of the dry clean only items itch and several items I’ve had to hang to let the cleaner smell dissipate. Now I’m worried that I’m allergic to their cleaners.  Sigh.

Inspired by Anthea Butler’s tweet about the “Ordain Women” founder‘s excommunication from the LDS church including “underwear“, I did some googling.  As I am not a church member, I could not order or view the garments in the online store. However I was able to view sizing information in the “Help” on the LDS website.  It appears I’m too fat for the garments available. I don’t know if it’s acceptable for LDS members to make their own.

In cheerier news, my new Elomi bra really improves my posture.

I got some comfy Keen sandals for summer.

Finally, since realizing that yes, there are ingredients in sunscreen which can make skin more sensitive in sun AND my recent “fine in shade and itchy / inflamed in the sun” experience with sunscreen, I have accepted my fate. Some short-sleeve mock turtlenecks from OneStopPlus.com should arrive soon.

Secondhand Buyer Beware

Hopefully this isn’t really news to you, but …

I dutifully logged into eBay to change my password — granted my address etc are still in the hands of hackers, but it seemed the thing to do anyway, so I did — and started looking for clothing because, hey, why not? I have had good finds on eBay.

And I was thinking drawstring capris might be less risky in terms of “will they fit” since, y’know, drawstring.  Adjustable.

eBay listing for capris with price $34.95

eBay listing for capris

Looking at the description I saw they were from Woman Within. Only, y’know, for cotton/polyester knit pants, $34.95 seemed a bit … high. So I checked out OneStopPlus.com.

Same capris, $16.99-21.99

Same capris, $16.99-21.99

It’s very possible the eBay seller had bought them at a higher price and is trying to recoup it. But that doesn’t mean I have to help.

Wednesday Trying to be Monday

image

Image from IGIGI

Good: Wearing nifty IGIGI dress from Gwynnie Bee.
Bad: Turned my left ankle and fell in my driveway this morning.
Good: Ankle feels okay.
Bad: Right hip & knee, which I actually fell on, are sore.
Good: Hubby brushed off dress. 
Bad: Headache.
Good: Five compliments on the dress at work today. And it has POCKETS.
Uncertain: What does this say about my “normal” clothing?

In other news, I seem to have determined that IGIGI 30/32 fits me. (This may be expensive news.)

It Came From the Search Terms

how does 400 pound have sex

400 pound what? If you mean £400 I’m not sure.

blogs about being obese

Hi!

what to do super morbidly obese

What do you want to do?

what size is 6x plus

Oh dear, plus size sizing is NOT for the weak.  For example, I wear 5x at Making It Big, except when I wear a size 4x or a size 6x.  I recently joined Gwynnie Bee, in part, to try more clothes from vendors I’ve been unsure about committing myself too (and I’ve discovered I can rock a 30/32 IGIGI dress, which may be an EXPENSIVE thing to learn).  Oh, and how did I learn about Gwynnie Bee? From Marianne Kirby, which brings us back to how plus sizes make no sense.

yoga pants bbw

You know all those stretch knit elastic-waist pants that everyone sells for fatties?

what sizes does lane bryant carry

14-28.

4x – 9x clothing for women

Already answered – be sure to check out the comments & also this list of resources.

what size do you need a seatbelt extender

Depends on the person and the seatbelt.   Check out these posts.

 swimwear for morbidly obese

For women, this post. For men, Casual Male.

what is the largest scrub size you can buy

Plus Woman sells clothing from 1x to 10x, including scrubs.  They make a lot of things to order so you can pick fabric and so on.

Quotes on Clothing

Image courtesy of the Rudd Center Image Gallery

Image courtesy of the Rudd Center Image Gallery

“If you don’t grow up ever seeing members of your community wearing suits or expensive clothes, it’s easy to see those who wear these things as members of an exclusive group you can’t break into.”
— Kris Gale in the NY Times 

“[P]erception is often reality. If you dress, act, and sound like a competent professional, people will generally assume you are, until you prove differently.”
Mark Melvin in Information Week

“There’s a certain despair that comes with not being able to buy clothes — access to plus size clothing is a huge issue (and one that reaches beyond fashion) because you can’t leave the house naked. You can’t go to work without work-appropriate clothing. You can’t feel confident about yourself and your abilities if you cannot accomplish the fundamental task of getting dressed in the morning. I don’t even mean getting dressed in new and trendy things — I mean that being able to even acquire clothes of any kind is a big deal.”
Marianne Kirby in xojane

“I SLAYED A FUCKING DRAGON BEFORE I COULD BUY THIS DRESS. THAT IS WHAT YOU SHOULD BE COMPLIMENTING.”
Lesley Kinzel on Two Whole Cakes

This Shouldn’t Give Me A Headache

But it’s trying.

Dear,

My name is Lisa. I have been following your blog  from quite some time now and thoroughly enjoy every post of yours.

Well, after reading through your blog, I think you would be interested in having a look at our recently launched infographic America’s Battle With Obesity([link to typical FEAR The Obesity Epidemic Because We Said So FEAR Booga Booga removed – Ed]). If you find it helpful, then please consider it for sharing with your readers.

Thanks, and I hope to hear from you soon!
Best Wishes,
Lisa

My reply:

Dear Lisa,

I really don’t see how anyone who’s read my blog would think that graphic would be of any interest to the my readers.

Regards.

– LFP

In other goings-on, NPR reports “Hating On Fat People Just Makes Them Fatter”.   Of course they still do, as this eloquent tumblr post from The Mighty If points out.

Marianne Kirby wrote about working in plus-size retail in college, and how huge being able to buy clothing can be.  This is even harder for supersize or extended-size people.  I usually shop online because my brick-and-mortar store options are so limited.

[S]o many fat people lacked any experience of being treated with dignity and respect in a retail setting. It wasn’t just me. And if it wasn’t just me, then maybe I didn’t deserve to be mocked and harassed and made fun off. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be treated badly just because of my body.

And neither did anyone else.

And yet the lack of respect for fat people is constant.

Thankful Thursday

[An occasional exercise in gratitude]

It’s Thursday and I’m thankful for….

  1. I belong to a church where women wearing pants to church is common.  As are women in leadership
  2. 1-year anniversary at work.  My signing bonus is now all mine, instead of something I have to pay back if I leave.  Also I get another week’s vacation next year.
  3. My own office, without a roommate.
  4. Upcoming 4-day weekend.
  5. Letting go of other people’s “Oh, but you have to do ________ for Christmas” and focusing on what I want to do.
  6. The man of the house, who has been supportive through work craziness in October / November.
  7. Splurging on things from tees to office toys because I can.
  8. Did I mention an upcoming 4-day weekend?
  9. Memories of a fun weekend of musical crafty goodness.
  10. Discovering that yes, washing the bed linens weekly (including the mattress pad) really really does affect my health.  (AKA “This week’s stuffiness, headaches, and increased inhaler usage is Proof that the laundry is not make-work, damn it.)

What If You’re Too Big For Lane Bryant?

Ah, the eternal question.  What if you’re too big for plus size stores?   In the US, LB is one of the most common plus size stores, going up to a US size 28.  I’m too big for most of their clothes.

Today I’m going to not just talk about places I can buy clothes. I’m going for places that someone larger than I can buy clothes.  I’m going to skip the stores where I’m at the top of the size range and highlight ones that offer a few sizes larger than mine. I also welcome reviews and suggestions in the comments. 

In Myles Ahead sizes, I’m a 2 or 3x.  Their sizes go up to 5x.  They also have items in more conventional sizes up to 10X.  Mostly casual and dressy clothes, along with some accessories.

Plus Woman goes from 1X-10X, with fairly conventional sizing for most things.  At 4 or 5X, I’m in the middle of their range.  They’re located in North Carolina and make a LOT of things to order and so you can customize size, fabric, and colors quite a bit.  It can be more expensive.

I’m a 3x or 4x in Big on Batik clothes. Most of their clothing is available to 6x but some are 7X+,  including swimsuits.

And, of course, there’s Making It Big.  I’ve been buying their stuff for over a decade now.  There’s casual, dressy, activewear, swimwear, outerwear …. and none of it is cheap, but it’s consistent and much of it is American-made.   I’m a G/H (or 4X/5X) in their sizing, and they run up to size L (8X).   As I type this Wednesday night I’m wearing a pair of brown size H corduroy pants I got from MIB years ago with a red “simple tee” in size G; yesterday I wore size H black relaxed knit pants with a purple “perfect tee” in size H; Monday I wore the same brown cords with a top from, gasp, a different company.   No, they don’t pay me to advertise, and yes, I’ve paid for all my MIB stuff (some secondhand on eBay).  (And if they don’t come out with the cords again I may need to clone the ones I’m wearing, damn it.)

So there is it — the list of stores that I know carries at least 2 sizes larger than my size.  What have I missed?  Got any warnings or reviews?  Have at it.

Update: Ghastly G. Rotto reminds me through Twitter that Woman Within goes up to 7X in some things. I’m a 4X or 5X in their clothes, so Woman Within also fits the “2 sizes larger than I” rule even if they do use thin models.

Superfat Fears

I’ve written before that I can’t always count on finding clothing in local, physical stores in my size.

Last night’s dream?  I was hours from home and somehow didn’t have my pants.  I had bra, panties, and a top – but no bottoms.

And no stores had my size*.   In the dream I was in strip-mall hell and didn’t even see any clothing stores.  There was a Rite Aid, which had some basic tops and bottoms, but not in my size.   Target?   Fred Meyer? Ditto.

Eventually dream-me went into an alterations shop to ask if I could buy a few yards of fabric to make a sarong.  And then my car was stolen and … well, it was a dream.

Needless to say, this was a bit of a twist on the “no pants dream” trope.

*Depending on cut and the manufacturer, I wear between size 28 and 36.

Thankful Thursday

Things that I am thankful for:

1 The man of the house packed a yummy lunch for me today.  He also cooked each night I was home this week.
2 AC. Most houses in Seattle don’t have AC.  I don’t regret installing ours, even if we barely used it last year.
3 A job where showing up in shorts one day and a dress the next is fine.
4 A boss who reminds me that I have strengths, and who encourages me to use them.
5 Initial “let’s start probate” paperwork has been fixed for accuracy and ready to mail.
6 I fell in love with temperature-controlled computer labs in college one summer term when the temps were stubbornly sweaty &  sticky.  Except the minicomputer lab, which had to be kept cool per warranty.  All of which is to say, taking computer classes to help cool off has served me well & I’m glad.
7 Leg lifts are my friend.
8 Stretching makes me feel divine.
9 Chocolate covered espresso beans are yum.
10 So much enjoying Mira Grant’s book Blackout and how it improves my understanding of the prior two books.  (Feed, then Deadline. They are a trilogy, not a book & two sequels.).

Death of a Bra

Two, actually.  In the last week two if the three Lilyette 908 size 44DDDs I have been wearing died. One snapped an underwire right in the middle.  The other has a hole in a strategic place:

image

But it’s not just the bras I’ve been wearing.  Several stores have told me the Lilyette 908 is discontinued.

*sniff*

I am aware that Venus by Cortland 7101 is similar, and I was able to find some.  I hope they continue to be made, at least as long as I find them comfortable.

Monday…yeah, I guess it is…

Nothing like meeting and interviewing 6 5 4 3 job candidates in different buildings after a 1-hour whirlwind meeting to make me feel scattered.  I did pull it together, though, and I think I did a good job of interviewing.  I tend to dress a little more on the “business” side of business casual when I have interviews. Partly that it’s easier for me to stay on time if I wear a watch, and I get self-conscious if I’m wearing a watch without rings.  Maybe that’s just me….

Anyway. Black slacks, red v-neck top, black banded watch, garnet and gold rings.  And a really good song  by Marian Call.

Junonia QuikJersey

Has anyone tried Junonia’s QuikJersey items?  Currently they’re $25 off through Sunday night (US Central Time) when offer code KMH6L is entered.  The items include a tank, leggings, shorts, and a track jacket.

Offer details:

How to apply your promotion code: At checkout, on the Billing Information page, go to the section labeled “Offer or Catalog Key Code” (right side below Shipping Options) and enter the Promotion Code KMH6L in the space provided.

Limited Time offer- Promotional savings may be deducted from returns. Consumer is responsible for applicable taxes and duties. Offer ends at 11:59 P.M. CST, Sunday, March 6, 2011.

For those who don’t know, Junonia is an American company which specializes in workout and sports clothing for sizes 1x – 6x, including such hard-to-find items as zip-off convertible hiking pants, ski pants & jackets, tennis skirts, padded bike shorts, and swimsuits that are meant for serious swimming.   They also offer general gym and casual clothing.

Tummy & Bra Liners & AmpleStuff

For those who are tired of sweat collecting underneath their tummies, AmpleStuff is now carrying Tummy Liners made by Pambra of bra liner fame.

I haven’t tried them, but Stilletto posted a review of the tummy liner, and  Notblueatall posted a review of both the bra and tummy liners.

I’ve mentioned before that I use baby powder to combat belly and underbust chafing.  It’s probably why I haven’t noticed a problem with sweat (baby powder is absorbent) but I thought it might be of use to others.   :)

BTW – AmpleStuff is owned by William Fabrey, who founded NAAFA and co-founded the Council on Size & Weight Discrimination.  They carry things like airplane seat belt extenders, extra-wide hangers, extra-long fanny packs, reach tools, extra-long measuring tapes for sewing, and supersize hospital gowns.   My husband’s socks and our scale were purchased from AmpleStuff.