I had a conversation with a therapy patient of mine recently that spoke volumes to the problems of living in a rape culture that no longer wants to use the dirty word rape. She told me that she and her best friend (both 19-years-old) frequently endured sex with their boyfriends that involved heavy drug use, painful and coerced anal sex, utter boredom for the women, regular transmission of STIs, no orgasms for the women, and “sex on demand” whenever their boyfriends wanted to have sex. When I asked her if she ever felt pleasure during sex, or ever wanted to feel pleasure, she said, point blank, “I thought sex was only supposed to be pleasurable for the guys, right?” Right.
— The Politics of Turning Rape into “Nonconsensual Sex” by Breanne Fahs
Y’know, romance novels are often seen as pure pulp, but they do ground readers in the idea of mutual pleasure. It’s not the worse way to set some expectations for sex. (OK, the “never needing lube” thing can be problem….)
I’m glad that patient is in therapy.