Question: On Dating While Fat

This was originally from Formspring.me (yes, I signed up there too) but I thought worth putting out here too, since much of it applies to anyone.

You have said that you’re bisexual. Do you have any sex or dating advice for a young gay fat woman?

One thing I got from a friend many years ago: dating is stressful. Exciting, fun, but also scary. It’s best approached when you have supportive friends, a sane living situation, and otherwise have a life that works. Why? Your brain will do a much better job of figuring out if a new relationship is working for you if the rest of your life works. So yes, be out to your close friends. Have a home you are comfortable in. Those help.

Another good thing is to get to know other gay women in your area. Is there a gay or lesbian community center? Does meetup.com list a lesbian group in your area? If you work at a big company, is there a GLBT employee group? Is there a gay or gay-accepting church around? A gay pride festival? A scifi convention? Getting to know other lesbians may help you to find dates, yes, but it will also start getting you plugged into a social network. Maybe there’s no one at the community center you want to date, but you like the discussion group or stitch & bitch or basketball games or roller derby nights. Friends might introduce you to other friends who you do want to date. Or they might tip you off as to who goes through lovers like popcorn. :)

Finally … hang in there! Look for people who you enjoy spending time with and who seem to have fun being with you. Sometimes a friend will become a lover  ;)

If you want to ask something on Formspring, I’m Living400lbs there too.

8 thoughts on “Question: On Dating While Fat

  1. Just noticed your avatar on your last comment on my blog, and although it’s unrelated to your post, I have to say: Very Cool. I love the minimalism and I love the radical statement.

  2. This is a good response! Dating is definitely much harder when you’re life situation is dodge – I recently met a lovely girl who I was very interested in, but I was still getting over my ex-boyfriend and it just made everything too hard.

    • Yup. In particular, I know when I’ve felt my life isn’t working overall I’ve been more vulnerable to “I love you! Oh, my cat is sick and I can’t afford to take her to the vet. And my car broke down. And you should tell me everything about your job situation / mental health history / etc. Oh, don’t bother asking about my job situation / mental health history — if it’s relevant I’ll bring it up. (NOT)”

      *headdesk*

  3. Is there a way to see any updates to your site on my desktop? I have been tracking your website for a while now and want to see when it is updated.

  4. Pingback: February Monthly Roundup « Living ~400lbs

  5. I love, love, *love* that you didn’t include anything fat-specific in your response. In my experience, dating is essentially the same for fatties as it is for thinner people. Sure, some folks might get all judgey about one’s shape, and that means the fatter folk may be “looking for our needle in a slightly smaller haystack” (I think I’m quoting one of the SP team there.) But everyone has to deal with shallow jerks sometimes, and everyone faces a certain amount of rejection.

    Most of the time, It’s bending over backwards trying to compensate for body size (or any other individual quirk, for that matter) that gets people into real trouble.

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