Who reads a 400lb lady’s blog, anyway?

I’ve talked about how most fat people aren’t my size, but I know from comments and emails that many of you are my size.   So, in the interest of fun, comes this:

I’ve also seen some speculation about how many folks

  1. Read fat acceptance blogs, and
  2. Are trying to lose weight.

So why not see what people say if I ask?  (This doesn’t mean I’m going to open up most of the blog to discuss weight loss stuff because I do try to make this a weight-loss-guilt-free space.  But I think it might inform discussion.)

Purchase not required to play. Void in some states, provinces, and lagoons. When the evening rolls around, I’ll go on home and lay my body down. And when the morning light comes streaming in: I’ll get up and do it again.

90 thoughts on “Who reads a 400lb lady’s blog, anyway?

  1. I read your blog because your writing is thoughtful and fun. I probably got here from the feeds originally, rather than searching for blogs about being a particular size.

    It’s cool to see the variety that shows up in the polls.

  2. I read your blog because although I voted for “deathfat” vs “superfat” (deathfat just sounds more Darth Fat-ish, which pleases me), I’m somewhere in the 300+ range and it’s nice to feel like I’m part of the club ;)

    Also, you’re in Seattle, and I harbor a secret fantasy that someday you will say, “Oh, I saw the COOLEST person downtown wearing really blah office clothes but I could tell from her aura that she was just the most interesting person in the world” and that person will be me and we’ll be BFF.

    Heh, okay, maybe not quite – but I would like to meet up at some point, as I enjoy your journal so much :)

  3. I’m an overweight person (only because I grew 3 inches and moved out of the obese range) and though I’m not trying to lose weight, I’m also trying (sortof) not to gain any. I hate clothes shopping and we’re on a fixed income so buying a bunch of new clothes could be iffy. Also, I’d hate the comments I’d get from family: “wow, you put on some pounds at school, eh? Gettin’ heavy?” etc. >_< I am afraid to get fatter because I like me as I am and I know from reading that the fatter you are, the worse the comments/looks/etc get. My skin isn't thick enough to deal with that, and I'm embarrassed to admit it.

  4. I’m of the superfat category. I’ve lost some weight, very slowly over the last few years, but I’m still largely above the average margin for obesity(no pun intended). Oddly enough, I didn’t start losing weight until after I’d stopped caring about losing it.

    There’re probably a few factors involved in that, but I stopped overfeeding myself and was less ashamed to go out for a walk, for example. I was listening to myself more, you know, practicing HAES. As it is, I have no idea what I weigh now, because it’s not high priority for me to know anymore.

    And you know what? That’s the thing that feels better than anything else. ^_^

    • That’s the thing that feels better than anything else

      Yay you! :)

      Oh, and this is why I worded the second poll as “I am not trying to manipulate my weight at this time” not “My weight is not changing.” That’s a different thing entirely :)

  5. I’m usually somewhere right on the overweight/obese line (my BMI generally varies between 29-31). I would say I’m not trying to manipulate my weight, but given that I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant and still down almost 10 pounds from my pre-pg weight, and that my OB would love to see me gain some weight, I’m eating more than I might naturally be inclined to right now, so that I at least won’t lose any more weight and hopefully will gain an adequate amount. But that’s entirely pregnancy-related and hopefully I’ll be able to happily return to not trying to manipulate my weight after giving birth.

    I think I originally found your blog through a link from another FA site, and I liked it.. Plus, IIRC from an early post of yours I read, you’re a fellow Episcopalian, and I’m always interested in what such folks have to say about FA issues. ;)

  6. Overweight BMI category, barely. Like, 25.3 or something. Pretty indifferent to gaining more cos I like my curves, and don’t want to lose any for that reason – which I have FA to thank for, at the beginning of the year I told the wii fit I wanted to get down to iirc 130lbs. I’m 5’10”. The fact that I thought that was a good idea kinda scares me.

  7. I’m definitely obese (BMI wise, of course any layman would put me at overweight), and actively trying to eradicate any desire to diet. Your blog is one of my favorites on the Fatosphere, no matter what my or your weight is!

  8. I hover around the 400 lbs range myself and I love reading your blog because you are so much farther along in the acceptance journey than I am and it is refreshing to see that regardless of what my family and pretty much ever other person around me tells me that yes it is possible to live a very happy and fulfilling life as I am RIGHT NOW, and motivates me to reach farther for my dreams!

  9. I weigh about 100 pounds (at 5’6″), have been at that weight since puberty and am not trying to change it at this time. I found your blog on the Fatosphere feed and I enjoy your witty writing and your perspective as a “deathfat”–some of the experiences you have due to your weight never would have occurred to me.

    I like to think I’m 100% on board with the ideas behind fat acceptance, but obviously that’s easier to say when you weigh 100 pounds! I figure if I can stuff my face every day and never gain weight, the people on the other extreme end of the spectrum must be able to starve themselves every day (if so persuaded) and never lose weight.

  10. I’m what would be considered “normal” as far as BMI, but I’m in recovery from an eating disorder and my weight has caused me severe emotional distress as it inches up. I’m also hitting middle age and trying to figure out who I want to be, since my inner self is all Betsey Johnson and Auntie Mame, and my outer self is….not comfortable with that. I find a lot of support in the FA movement, since I believe wholeheartedly in HAES and have seen it in action but I am still coming to terms with what that means for myself. I put down that I was trying not to gain, since I’m at the upper end of my usual area right now.

    However, truly not gaining more weight EVER would mean neglecting other areas of my life to overexercise, exacerbating old sports injuries, and turning into a complete bore. I’d really rather drink, eat cake, and swear. I spent too many years not doing those things and there’s a bit of a backlog.

  11. I love your blog. I recommended it to the gals at my Largely Positive meeting in Baltimore, and we range from overweight to superfat. I’m 5’4″ and weight about 330 lbs., on the cusp between death fat and superfat. FYI, I am particularly inspired by your posts about movement.

  12. The second poll doesn’t quite work for me. I’m not actively trying to lose weight, but I am trying to become healthier, do more exercise and all that, and I’m hoping to lose some weight. And I think that’s not unrealistic, because my healthy active weight actually is less than my current couch potato depressive weight. So um, definitely trying to change my ways; hoping to lose weight; but not actively trying specifically to lose weight but trying specifically to gain health. Err. umm. Which button was that?

  13. I’m definitely officially obese but not “deathfat.” I can’t buy clothes in *local* stores or *fashionable* stores but I can buy clothes in stores.

  14. Right now, today, I am trying to gain weight, even though my BMI is around 32 or 33, but that’s a function of the 36 weeks pregnant thing. Generally, I do not try to manipulate my weight.

  15. I’m in the “normal” range (BMI somewhere around 21-22, I think). Not trying to gain or lose weight. Found your blog through Fatosphere links and really enjoy your posts.

  16. I don’t know my current weight, but I’m probably on the cusp of officially obese according to BMI. Maybe even slightly under. As I’ve mentioned I’ve recently lost weight due to a chronic illness and don’t really know or care where I’ll end up weight-wise. I just miss being able to keep food down.

    I read your blog because it’s not so much about fat acceptance as it just IS fat acceptance. You’re not discussing it as an intellectual exercise (though, obviously you think about it and then write some of those thoughts), but reading your blog makes FA real, visceral. A lot of FA blogs are, by necessity, about what NOT to do. No diet talk. Here’s a stupid article from the NY Times. Here’s a horrid example of fat prejudice. It’s all good. It needs to be out there. It’s important work, but it doesn’t give me the taste of what it’s like to be very fat and NOT miserable.

    I think a lot of people get their fix of that sort of feel from some of the fat fashion blogs, but since I do not now nor have I ever given a rip about clothes or shoes, they do nothing for me. I am not young, nor pretty and would look utterly ridiculous in the latest from Fatshionista. I just don’t relate. That’s fine. But I was looking for some of that feeling. That, “this is my life and guess what? it’s pretty damned cool” feeling without the manolo blahniks.

    I also really appreciate your realism. One of the first posts I read was one in which you listed some things you can’t do because of your weight. They were all things that don’t matter to you much, because as you say, you’ve developed a life that works for you. Still, I think acknowledging the existence of limitations is important to have any credibility. Of the things you listed that you couldn’t do, there were actually a number that I DO like to do and would hate to lose if my weight continued to climb (as it was doing before the illness). I had to give a lot of thought to what that meant for me in terms of accepting my own fat. Still have to give it thought every day.

    I guess if we’re talking about why we read, that would be the short answer (as opposed to the long assed one above!), because your blog makes me think. I like that.

    • I just miss being able to keep food down.

      Keeping food down is good. A friend in RL has been dealing with similar (he eats almost totally fat-free to help control it.) I hope things get better for you soon.

      it’s not about fat acceptance as it just IS fat acceptance

      This made me laugh because I occasionally wonder if it’s really a fat acceptance blog or an exercise in narcissism. My focus is on how my life is and isn’t affected by being fat. Why?

      1) That’s what I saw wasn’t in the current fatosphere and
      b) That’s what I’d loved when I first discovered alt.support.big-folks: Seeing how other very fat people cope. Seatbelts too small? Ask about extenders. Chafing? Bike shorts, baby powder, sports “glide” stick. Discussion mentioning jobs and interviews and romantic partners and dealing with parents. (And, always, where to buy clothes. :)

      The current fatosphere is somewhat skewed toward the smaller end of the spectrum. I think that’s good politically because Kate Harding *IS* the size of the the typical American “clinically obese” and I’m way the heck off the charts. But I also know there’s people trying to find supersize clothing or who’re curious about what a superfat person’s life is like. It seemed like something I could add that would be different ;)

      • Thanks for the concern… I’m slowly figuring out what triggers me and have at least stopped the crash. Now if I could just get enough calories to do something other than surf teh intarwebz I’d be in business (did ya’ll notice how wordy I’ve gotten lately? Comes from not having the energy to do anything but type.)

        I occasionally wonder if it’s really a fat acceptance blog or an exercise in narcissism.

        Hah! While I certainly don’t think that it’s narcissism, I’m not sure it would necessarily be a bad thing. I think a few more fat people out in the public eye doing something other than crying over how they’ll never find love if they don’t lose weight is actually a GOOD thing. I mean, jeezus people, when did being lucky enough to be able to have access to sufficient food to reach one’s genetic potential set point become the worst freaking thing that ever ever ever happened to anyone??? As Mr Harding would say, SRSLY?

        And can I just add… ZOMG, alt.support.big-folks??? That one brings back some memories! I used to post there back when the net was flat, before the eternal September began.

        • Glad you’re figuring out the triggers. :)

          I think a few more fat people out in the public eye doing something other than crying over how they’ll never find love if they don’t lose weight is actually a GOOD thing.

          True that. Loved how Lesley worked “Fat Girls Crying” into her discussion on NPR.

          ZOMG, alt.support.big-folks??? That one brings back some memories!

          Don’t it, though? One of these days I should do some scans of classic BBW and Radience mags too.

  17. Oh and Brandi D….

    I’d really rather drink, eat cake, and swear. I spent too many years not doing those things and there’s a bit of a backlog.

    LOVE.

  18. I’m deathfat baby! My weight has hovered around 330-360 for the last 10 years. I’m at the range where I can find clothes in several stores, but I’m sized out of shoe stores because my feet are superwide (13W) and stores won’t carry this size unless it’s for men.

    I read your blog because it’s refreshing to have another very fat person not only blog about their experiences and the problems and prejudices that we as larger fats face, but you do it in a non-confrontational way. As we’ve seen over the last few days, people are getting tired of the nastiness. I know I can come here and not feel like I’m about to step into the ring with Mike Tyson. :) You also inspired me to write my own blog!

  19. I am obese. I spent years as what the fatosphere calls an “in-betweenie” & for a long time both identified as a ‘fat activist’ but also as someone who would not ‘allow’ herself to weigh more than 180-185 (even though my mother weighed 215-230 most of her adult life, my older sister 240-250 until she developed lung cancer from smoking three packs daily for over 50 years (this was a woman who said she accepted that she would always be fat & was not dieting, but who would drink Pepsi rather than the milk she loved because ‘drinking milk makes me get fatter’), & I have two brothers who weigh between 250 & 270 & countless other fat relatives.) I have spent much of my exercising compulsively three to four hours daily & hope to exercise moderately as long as I am able (I have CP & arthritis & am 60 years old), for health benefits, not to mold my body.

    Aging has been an educational & humbling experience. I learned that one can exercise four hours every day for four years & only lose 15 pounds, & can cut back to 60-90 minutes of exercise daily, still more than enough, & gain back 35 pounds, that aging & menopause happen to everyone who lives long enough & that one can indeed go from being an hourglass to being an apple & it is not from lack of character or a ‘lifestyle choice’. I have learned that, barring some debilitating illness & perhaps the eventual slight shrinkage of extreme old age, I will never see 185 pounds again & that 200 may be fading in the rearview mirror. But I have also learned that that is okay.

    And, no, I do not diet, will not diet, will fight not to go back on the ‘exercise diet’, do not weigh myself & really do not care whether my weight goes up or down or stays stable, as long as any changes are not a sign of serious health issues. I believe that dieting is a form of self-abuse & self-hatred, is counterproductive & bad for one’s health (many studies have shown this) & that dieting increases one’s mortality risks, especially for those of us over 60 (by several hundred percent.) I also believe that all forms of WLS are butchery & legalized murder, destructive of both emotional & physical health, & that bariatric surgeons should be strung up by their thumbs & the entire weight loss business put OUT of business. I guess it goes without saying that I do not want to hear about anyone’s attempts to regulate his/her weight or to be complimented on perceived weight loss. I would love to live in a weight-neutral society, but it will probably never happen.

  20. I read your blog because I’m over 300lbs, and have various limitations, including the almost total lack of clothes-buying options, and various physical limitations. It is interesting to hear about the experiences of someone towards the upper few per cent of body sizes, and your blog is well-written.

    • Thanks, S. I realize that one doesn’t have to be over 300/400lbs to have physical limitations, but

      1) A lot of people assume we do and
      b) Talking about them helps to demystify them

      Part of why I’m highlighting supersize clothing options lately is to point out that there IS more than Catherine’s and Casual Male out there.

  21. I read your blog as an eating-disordered (technically in recovery, but I still obsess way too much about my weight, to the point of freaking out when I don’t know how much I weigh any given morning) young woman who’s at the low end of the BMI spectrum.

    My best friend is overweight (not obese, but we live in an area which is heavily populated by very thin people and so it’s a big deal for her). I know I’ve inadvertently said some things that have hurt her feelings, and I read FA blogs to attempt to gain sensitivity and to see what life is like from the perspective of someone who is fat, or who considers themselves fat.

    I obviously have a long way to go… I have trouble calling anyone fat, even when typing it out and applying it to someone who clearly identifies as fat. :) But I am trying.

  22. I thought “deathfat” was BMI over 40. I’m in the 35-40 range and I don’t know what that is called. I can still buy clothes in plus-size stores. So, I wasn’t sure what to put for the poll. I think I chose “deathfat” because I am sure my BMI is over 35 and solidly in the “obese” category. But I prefer to refer to myself as “fat” rather than “obese.”

    • Deathfat is a joke about being “morbidly obese”, so yeah, it’s usually over 40 but some references say 35.

      I usually use fat too, but I see “fat” as kinda all-encompassing and wanted to break it down a bit into degrees of fat. I also didn’t want to use clothing sizes (straight vs plus vs supersize) because I wasn’t sure how to include men’s in there too, and was trying to make a poll for both men and women.

      Does that make sense?

  23. I’m in the superfat category. I’ve been reading blogs in the FA world for several months now, and I greatly enjoy yours since it’s good to see a voice representing a size like mine.

  24. I read your blog because I think your attitude is amazing & refreshing – you seem truly accepting of yourself & your body. I am trying to recovery from an ED, and it’s really good for me to read FA blogs. I think it helps counter all the OMG-OBESITY crap that’s out there, and it definitely helps counter my ED tendency to freak out about food choices, and it makes the idea of accepting myself for who I am, and accepting my body, seem a little bit closer (though still so far away).

    I marked that I’m underweight. I’m not technically by BMI – it’s around 19 right now, I think, though I don’t weigh myself (my nutritionist does), but I know that 19 is way underweight for my body – I’m 25 and my natural weight at age 16 was about 10-15lbs more than I weigh now.

    • I read your blog because I think your attitude is amazing & refreshing – you seem truly accepting of yourself & your body.

      Thanks. I do think some of it is that I’ve been fat A. Long. Time. Now. and I’ve had time to deal with it. To quote one of Robert Heinlein’s characters, “It’s amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired.” ;)

  25. I’m obese, but I have REALLY dense bones, so probably most people would see me as overweight. If I were a man, nobody’d think anything of my size. I’m chunky, but it’s distributed so that I don’t look quite as heavy as I am.

    I’m trying to eat well and exercise, but I’ve given up caring about my weight. It’s probably stayed steady, as my clothes all still fit the same…

      • Hey, it means I don’t need a new wardrobe. :)

        I’m actually really lucky. My job allows me to work in t-shirts and jeans. I’m in no way interested in fashion, so I can and do just dress in men’s clothing, which given my body shape fits well and is easy enough to find in my size. I’m not interested in sex or romance, so a lot of the problems that fat women seem to have tend to pass me by. Not all, but a lot.

  26. I read your blog because it’s well-written, and I like the opportunity to read things from perspectives that are different from my own.

    I do agree with you about BMI and height/weight charts not being the be-all and end-all of anything. I am a tall woman, and the one time I weighed what the charts said I should – after a trip to Mexico and a bout with Montezuma’s Revenge – I was emaciated. Some of us are just meant to be heavier than others.

  27. I guess some of what you are saying must explain something which has been puzzling me for years…that someone can be around my height or shorter & weigh a lot more than I do, but wear a smaller clothing size than I do. Just goes to show that we all ARE individuals, in many respects. Every body is built differently, not just in respect to height & weight. Maybe I should stop assuming that it is a flaw in my makeup that I wear a 22 (usually) when some other women my size or heavier wear an 18. Even those who have been involved in fat acceptance for many years can get hung up on numbers.

    • TOTALLY! Sometime’s it’s how your body is shaped, such as whether you have a big belly or not. Sometimes it’s cup size. Sometimes it’s torso height or shoulder width.

      My bugaboo with pants is my belly, since my waist is bigger sitting than standing. With shirts it’s currently my bust, but I went through a phase where size 20 or 22 would fit my boobs and belly — but not my shoulders. So I’d end up with a 24 just so I could move my arms!

    • This has always been true for me as well. I’ve always assumed that other women were either trying to squeeze into things that are actually uncomfortable for them (which I refuse to do), but hearing that from you Patsy makes me wonder if it has to do with being somewhat athletic. My big thighs having abso-freakin’-lutely NO give to them. They’re way too large for the size that most store clerks would automatically bring me after giving me the casual “sizing up” glance and moreover a lot of that size is muscle and it is no way no how squishing down into a smaller circumference.

      Of course, it could just be that I don’t happen to resemble the size model of most plus sized fashion stores. There always seems to be that one limiting body part that just will not allow me to go down one size to the shirt or pants that would fit everywhere else. In pants it’s my thighs. In shirts it’s my upper arms, despite the fact that most shirts that will go over them end up with enough fabric in the bust to make someone a nice yurt.

  28. I am super-fat… super-duper-fat!

    I have a BMI of 53 and am actively losing weight. I never expect to be thin, but hoping to someday be able to maintain at slightly below deathfat. I think both HAES and just living one’s life are equally valid approaches, but that’s not where I’m at, for medical and other reasons. I’ll never mention my weight loss gratuitously on the blogs, but do not intend to hide my choices either.

    The fat-o-sphere is really vital to me and I enjoy most of the blogs, but particularly relate to you and Lesley and appreciate your perspectives. I especially like how up-front you are about your size and how you call attention to the things that are different for those of us in the “too fat for LB” cohort.

  29. I’m 5’4″ and 270 lbs. I think my BMI is around 46, which should make me clearly DEATHFAT. And I’m not trying to manipulate my weight.

    It’s odd though because I wear about a size 20, and less than 20 lbs. ago I was literally an inbetweenie, despite still being DEATHFAT. I’m one of those people who constantly get the “you’re not fat” comments, and all I can think is “well, actually I am the very definition of the ‘obesity epidemic’.” I do have a lot of visible fat (particularly my stomach) but I have really muscular legs and arms, so I think that’s why I tend to weigh more than someone else who may have my “stats”. That’s fascinating to me though– how wildly different bodies can be in a small number range.

    I found your blog through other fat acceptance blog, but I like yours a lot because of what another person said here: “I read your blog because it’s not so much about fat acceptance as it just IS fat acceptance.” I appreciate that because I’m at a point where I am able to talk about FA and HAES and things like that but I’m not particularly gung-ho activist about it, so I like to see how people integrate these things in their daily life.

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  31. I selected “normal” because it asked how I specified my size. Some would say I’m normal, most would say I’m a little overweight, though I am officially obese.

    • Ooooh, good catch. If I answered it as you did I would have to say underweight because I’m pretty sure where I am currently is well below my set point when healthy even though my BMI is in the obese category.

  32. I consider myself superdeathfat, at 5′ 4″ and 325 pounds. I was steady at 300, until I developed binge eating disorder. I would like to lose the 25 and get back to MY “normal” weight, LOL. However, I am not dieting right now.

    I enjoy your blog, because I can relate and there is always something informative to read.

  33. And I should add that I don’t WANT to diet. I believe if I get back to my normal eating habits, my weight will go back to it’s natural spot it’s been at for quite a while.

  34. I’m 5’6, between 210 – 215, so obese, and although I have been really interested in and agree with almost everything in the FA movement, am still actively trying to lose weight, and cannot seem to stop counting calories/weighing myself/etc. Cognitive dissonance anyone? “Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

    :)

    Love your blog!

  35. I voted “normal,” although I’m officially underweight. I am Travel Sized for Convenience. I read size acceptance blogs because I’ve long been uncomfortable with being so damn little and I like reading people who love their bodies.

  36. i put “death-fat” but i’m not totally sure.. i’m 280, and my bmi *isn’t* on the cusp of obese, it’s about 42 depending, but i find that it’s often people who’re 300lbs+ who identify as death fat
    hhhmmmm

  37. I voted “probably officially obese”, but there’s no “probably” about it. I’m 5’2″ and 205 pounds (as of this morning… I broke down and weighed myself) which is about 10 pounds short of deathfat. I am not actively trying to control my weight, but I have been gradually losing weight for over half a year because of a combination of not being on SSRIs anymore (they weren’t working and I experienced several unpleasant side effects), being more physically active, and eating a more balanced diet than I used to but without restricting calories or letting myself go hungry. I’m afraid of having to respond to offensive “encouraging” comments if my weight keeps going down, but I’m also afraid that the weight loss will stop. I think my ideal outcome would be to lose lots of weight and never have anyone notice! Wanting to be thin is a hard habit to break even when I know firsthand that weighing more than I do now didn’t affect my life much. But when the weight loss stops, I will accept it no matter where it stops – I won’t restrict food because it makes me miserable and obsessive, and my body is good about letting me know when I’m exercising too much.

    I read your blog because you have a different, interesting perspective and intelligent things to say. :-)

    • I think it’s funny that you say you’re short of deathfat because my next door neighbor in college was your size and there was no “death” about her! She was a member of our university’s synchronized swimming team – ran, worked out, and man, could she hold her breath!! I was shocked when she said she weighed more than 200 pounds. I remember weighing that (many years and almost 200 pounds ago), and I thought I was huge, but she wasn’t. Isn’t it great how the media messes with our minds?!!

  38. I’m underweight according to BMI and have a restrictive eating disorder. So far, the fat acceptance-related reading I’ve done has altered my view of others’ bodies, just not yet my own. Like Annalynn, I’m wary of using the word fat to describe anybody because I used to feel like it was always a derogatory term and the only acceptable usage of it was to disparage myself, but I’m slowly getting around that.

    As for why I read your blog, it’s pretty much what Michelle said above: “you have a different, interesting perspective and intelligent things to say.”

  39. Lauren – me too! I’m 5’3″ and UK 16-18, which should make me an inbetweenie, but my BMI is 40, so I am officially morbidly obese. (I don’t know what I weigh because I always ask the doctor not to tell me, but her version of not telling me is to write my BMI in large letters on my chart, where I can’t help but see it, and draw a thick, disapproving circle round it in red pen. Nice!)

    It’s just another example of how BMI doesn’t mean squit, but I do love calling myself DEATHFAT. It’s just so menacing, in a ‘I’m coming to eat your babies’ kind of way.

  40. I’m officially obese, but wear an inbetweenie size, and my doctors don’t believe how much I weigh and can stll fit into a UK 16-18. Something to do with being very short with large boobs, which have a BMI of their own, I think. Anyway, I come from a long line of short, stout peasants with thick ankles and a tendency to be heavy. I hope not to get heavier, so keeping mobile and just eating good, home-made food is where it’s at for me.

    I love this blog. It affirms just how diverse we all are.

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  42. I lurk here a lot. I’m one of those losing-weight-but-reads-an-FA-blog types. No, let me clarify, I read this FA blog. I continue to come here because what I have found is a woman living in self-acceptance. And that is something I struggle with with on an almost daily basis. When I come here I am so often encouraged and uplifted, reminded that it’s the size of my life, not the size I am in life, that matters. Ironic that I find this at a blog that is based on what size someone is.

  43. I’m not sure if I’m officially overweight or obese – nowadays I’m 5’7″ and probably 195 (haven’t weighed myself in years, not even at the doctor’s office). I find this blog comforting, especially since I live in NYC – for middle class white people, at least, a city that is incredibly focussed on thinness.
    And in general, I’ve found that FA on the web is better for me – in person, I’ve had other fat women give me a hard time because, apparently, I’m not fat enough to count as “really” fat, not matter how painful my experiences may have been or despite the fact that “normal” -sized people certainly seem to see me as fat..

  44. Occasional reader here. I’m “death -fat” – 5’5″ and 265. It *was* 300 a few months back, but the only reason I lost weight is because I have an eating disorder and occcasionally starve myself. I have a lot of fury and sadness over that because many well-meaning people will say to me in the depths of such episodes that all I really need to do is control portion sizes and exercise more. But I know from experience that only an extreme starvation diet will let me lose weight, and it will make me sick and I am now sick, and STILL “death fat” after having lost 35 pounds. Eventually even the starvation quit working and I’m stuck at 265. The “funny” thing to me is, when I read standard descriptions of how someone of my size lives (usually in some before-after weight loss success story) I hear that I “must” be bigger round than I am tall, can’t fine clothing anywhere and thus just dress in mumus, can’t walk across a room without losing my breath, and sit around all day long stuffing my mouth with high fat food except for when I waddle off to a fast food restaurant to make a pig of myself. I actually live a fairly normal life. I walk about on my way to school every day, I don’t get out of breath more than most people, I do notice I perhaps walk slower than others, but sometimes people in front of me seem to be walking annoyingly slow. I eat normal food, homecooked, mostly, because I’m too poor to eat out, and not too many snacks (although I do eat some, I mean, snacks are yummy.) I have to go to special stores to buy my clothes and am at the top of the Lane Bryant line on what they carry but I can buy clothes there but find them pricey (see the part where I’m poor.) My main complaint with my size is that the desks at school are annoyingly small – I fit but it’s a bit of a squeeze and I feel self-conscious – and even though all but about an inch of me fits into one seat on the subway people won’t sit next to me unless they are desperate and I am a very self-conscious person and feel guilty about that. I don’t even need seatbelt extenders on a plane (although I find the seats uncomfortable). It’s very hard to accept myself as I am even as I am struggling not to give in to an eating disorder which now has mad me so sick I’m seriously afraid of killing myself by going back, and know most people would think I had binge eating disorder, if anything. I KNOW I don’t eat a lot. I KNOW I will have to eat a dangerously low amount of food to lose weight at a “normal” rate of 1-2 pounds a week. And I KNOW I would get huge societal approval if I did so. And I know the highs of starvation and how it makes me feel. But I want to live, so I eat. And I’m tired of feeling guilty for that.
    So I come here, and to other FA blogs, to try to get a bit of sanity in my aching head.
    Sorry for the rant >.>

  45. I just became obese and came across the fat acceptance movement as I was trying to decide how much I should worry about it. I’m irritated about having to buy new clothes but I’m still making up my mind as to the rest.

  46. Pingback: Monthly Roundup (Nov & Dec) « Living ~400lbs

  47. I’m underweight for my age and height, but just on the cusp of being on the lowest end of “normal”, BMI wise. However, my particular body probably needs to gain more weight than that to be healthy. I have, however, been overweight in my life, and I have friends who have been all shapes and sizes, from extremely emaciated to what you call deathfat. My eating disorder brought me down to this weight, and although it may look more “attractive” to a lot of people, I am not proud of it. I’m growing out curves again, and a belly, and thighs, and I’m more proud of THAT than of starving myself! And I truly believe in HAES and fat acceptance, which is in complete contradiction to my fear of gaining weight, and it’s one way I help rationalize my weight gain to myself. I want to live my beliefs, not just believe them. You know?

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