I’ve had See’s Café Au Lait truffles on my brain for a couple weeks now. Not just any chocolate, mind. Not an assortment. I wanted the rich, yummy coffee filling.
(It’s funny that coffee isn’t something you find in many candies. There’s Ritter Sport Cappuccino, which is also delicious, and chocolate-covered espresso beans, which vary. But I digress.)
There’s a See’s in a shopping center a couple miles from where I work. It’s not a place I pass every day, but it’s not that out of the way, either, and it’s across the street from a grocery store where I sometimes get lunch. I go there about once a year to get candy for Christmas – at home and for gifts.
So why not stop in and get some truffles? Some considerations are practical. They’re expensive. It’s another stop to make and I don’t have time. A pre-packed assortment only has 1 or 2 of the café au lait pieces, so I’d have ask for a special bag or box.
But also, there’s the inner chant of: But I’m fat. I don’t need it. Fat people don’t deserve candy—especially good candy. People would stare and make comments if I’m not buying gift-wrapped presents and explaining they’re gifts or for a party. Because while not eating candy won’t make me thin, eating candy will make me a shameless fatty. *headdesk*
This stopped me. For weeks.
Today I was feeling tired and hungrier than usual, so I went out for a burger at lunchtime. Near See’s. And once again I was thinking about yummy coffee truffles. I stopped in at the nearly-empty See’s and went to the counter. I nibbled on my sample piece (peanut butter patty) while a small box was filled with 1/2 café au lait pieces, with some white mint (new), lemon, blueberry and raspberry to round it out.
To my shock, nobody mentioned my weight. All these years I’ve mentioned it to “diffuse tension” and “make fun of myself before someone else does”? Yeah, it had occurred to me that was BS, and yes, I’ve generally quit doing it. Today, though, I was sure someone would bring it up and….nobody mentioned it.
I tried a white mint while waiting for my burger (delicious!) In the 2 hours since lunch I’ve eaten the other mint and 2 of the café au lait pieces. I’ve not devoured them all, much less the world. I do feel more awake than I did before lunch—which is a good thing—but I also feel sated, which is also a good thing. And, maybe, I can let go of some of the “OMG I’m FAT” stupid self-consciousness a bit more :)