Money is not sufficient for happiness. Money is necessary to avoid certain forms of unhappiness.
It’s really not that complicated. It only appears complicated to those who: A) have enough money; and B) don’t have enough happiness.
The word they don’t understand there is “enough.” This is not entirely their fault, because much of our culture is based on preventing any of us from understanding that word. But it’s a really important word — particularly when the subject is happiness.
— Marian Call, in her song “In The Black”. She’s released both studio and live versions.
This reminds me of my parents; making my own life meant that my home wasn’t theirs anymore, that I didn’t own the obligations they thought I had, and there wasn’t always a good in-between. (And, of course, with Mother’s Day in May and Father’s Day in June, I’m getting reminded of my parents a lot.)
Full lyrics are at this page.
[An occasional exercise in gratitude.]
It’s Thursday. I made it to Thursday.
Monday I took 5 hours out of my day for a training class on interviews (with a special focus on behavioral interviewing, joy) followed by working late. Then my carpool buddy and I drove to the 1 post office still open so he could drop off his tax extension.
Tuesday I conducted two 1-hour interviews and a half-hour informational interview and, again, working late while carpool buddy was a morale event. By the end of the day I felt like my brains were mush.
Wednesday I had no meetings, no interviews, just work. One of my team members was out, but I still got lots done, including figuring out a bit of code that delighted me.
Today, Thursday, I had multiple meetings, including my annual performance review discussion with my boss. Since I’d been promoted to management I had an idea it would go well, and it did. I got a raise, some stock, and a renewed sense of impostor syndrome. Also a feeling of “now what?”
….and then it was off to the Fairmont hotel for dinner with the man of house at his company’s quarterly dinner thing.
I’m grateful that what started as a temp job just over 2 years ago has turned into a place where I’m comfortable, liked, and rewarded.
I’m grateful that my boss and coworkers appreciate me.
I’m grateful that I can direct the raise into saving for emergencies.
I’m grateful that I can go back to work tomorrow and maybe have a normal day. ;)
[An occasional exercise in gratitude.]
1) Getting things done at work.
2) Realized I was feeling a bit fuzzy-headed and tired everytime I took my SSRI. Being able to notice this sort of thing is somewhat new.
3) Successfully tapered down to a low dose without problems. (Why? It’s been nearly two years since I started on them again, I wasn’t having symptoms, and seeing if it would get rid of the tired/fuzzy feeling.)
4) I am feeling less tired these days. May also be due to Seattle getting more than 12 hours of daylight again, but good is good. :)
5) Feeling better about my parents and moving on. Grief is a process and I seem to have moved to a less-fraught stage.
6) Asthma meds. For breathing!!!
7) Coworkers who are patient as I learn new skills.
8) The man of the house, who improves my life in so many ways.
What is good in your life today?
No pious jackasses sit around pondering “Should Christians Take Insulin?” No insufferably holier-than-thou idiots pretend it would be deeply spiritual if they said, “Rattlesnake anti-venom can help, but it can also hinder our reliance on Christ.” Or “An emergency appendectomy may sometimes be beneficial, but only if we’re careful not to allow it to overshadow our true savior.”
Obesity Panacea debunks the latest “Paying people to lose weight is the ticket!” study, noting that the weight was regained during the 3-month follow-up:
Over the course of the 4 month intervention individuals in the incentive groups earned an average of approximately $300, in contrast to $0 awarded to those in the control group. Interestingly, the average weight loss achieved by those receiving a financial incentive was significantly greater as compared to that of the control group (13-14lbs vs. 4 lbs, respectively). Furthermore, only 10% of individuals in the control group versus approximately 50% of those in the incentive groups achieved the target weight-loss of 16lbs.
However, during a subsequent 3-month follow-up, study participants gained back much of the lost weight after the cessation of the financial incentives – a finding which is common to most, if not all, weight-loss intervention studies.
[I]ts a cute and gimmicky approach to providing incentive for weight loss, and the idea makes for great headlines (as recently illustrated). I’m sure financial incentives can work for some, but this is no obesity panacea.
At ASDAH’s HAES Blog, Fall Ferguson has an interesting question about the opportunity cost of society’s obsession with weight & thinness:
[W]hat do we forego as a society when we allocate precious social, economic, cognitive, emotional, and physiological resources toward pursuing and maintaining our weight-based paradigm of health?
Some of the damages discussed are to public health, proper health care for many thin and fat people, productivity, fun, creativity, self-esteem, and happiness. I know many who’ve found that abandoning weight loss efforts provided more time and energy for LIFE, such as school and work. (In our current culture, it can also mean accepting difference.) But it’s worth thinking about: What could be accomplished if we weren’t wasting so much effort on weight?
[An occasional exercise in gratitude]
It’s Thursday and I’m thankful for….
- I belong to a church where women wearing pants to church is common. As are women in leadership.
- 1-year anniversary at work. My signing bonus is now all mine, instead of something I have to pay back if I leave. Also I get another week’s vacation next year.
- My own office, without a roommate.
- Upcoming 4-day weekend.
- Letting go of other people’s “Oh, but you have to do ________ for Christmas” and focusing on what I want to do.
- The man of the house, who has been supportive through work craziness in October / November.
- Splurging on things from tees to office toys because I can.
- Did I mention an upcoming 4-day weekend?
- Memories of a fun weekend of musical crafty goodness.
- Discovering that yes, washing the bed linens weekly (including the mattress pad) really really does affect my health. (AKA “This week’s stuffiness, headaches, and increased inhaler usage is Proof that the laundry is not make-work, damn it.)
Things that I am thankful for:
1 The man of the house packed a yummy lunch for me today. He also cooked each night I was home this week.
2 AC. Most houses in Seattle don’t have AC. I don’t regret installing ours, even if we barely used it last year.
3 A job where showing up in shorts one day and a dress the next is fine.
4 A boss who reminds me that I have strengths, and who encourages me to use them.
5 Initial “let’s start probate” paperwork has been fixed for accuracy and ready to mail.
6 I fell in love with temperature-controlled computer labs in college one summer term when the temps were stubbornly sweaty & sticky. Except the minicomputer lab, which had to be kept cool per warranty. All of which is to say, taking computer classes to help cool off has served me well & I’m glad.
7 Leg lifts are my friend.
8 Stretching makes me feel divine.
9 Chocolate covered espresso beans are yum.
10 So much enjoying Mira Grant’s book Blackout and how it improves my understanding of the prior two books. (Feed, then Deadline. They are a trilogy, not a book & two sequels.).
[an occasional exercise in gratitude]
It’s Thursday and I’m thankful for…
- Being thanked for work I did on an event.
- Being complimented on my writing and this blog.
- Between blackout curtains and weight lifting I’m mostly getting enough sleep this summer.
- Physically feeling the benefits of regular strength training.
- Splurging on a few summer tops & such.
- New Donna Andrews book!
- I feel like I’m starting to wake up from the last few years.
- Reminders that even with my parents gone, I’m not as old as I sometimes think.
From Jezebel’s Work-Life Balance Isn’t Just for Moms:
The basic point of all of this is that whether you have kids, have a partner but no kids, or are living alone, working too much sucks. It’s no way to live, and we’re not dummies. So at some point, most of us realize that we’d rather do something that allows us to actually have a life, rather than commit every waking hour to a job, no matter how fulfilling we find it.
This is why I’ve been avoiding startups.
Can you believe fat people? Just existing willy-nilly all over the place, sometimes without even the courtesy to cloak their terrible bodies in heavy smocks and caftans.
Why, they even expect their copyrights to be respected?!? It’s as if they think they’re people!
An ED is a serious emotional problem/illness and obesity is a measure of height and weight. … The comparison between obesity and eating disorders is [akin] to comparing an apple with a chair. You can’t sit in an apple and you can’t eat a chair!
This sort of armchair misdiagnosing does not help anybody, especially not those with actual eating disorders.
I think a lot of people look to exercise to help them lose weight, and when they don’t lose weight immediately with exercise, they quit. They return to the couch, and they basically never move again. What is lost in that is that fitness is almost certainly more important than fatness. — Gretchen Reynolds, promoting her new bookThe First 20 Minutes.
Ms. Reynolds makes a clear distinction between the amount of exercise we do to improve sports performance and the amount of exercise that leads to better health. To achieve the latter, she explains, we don’t need to run marathons, sweat it out on exercise bikes or measure our peak oxygen uptake. We just need to do something.
“Humans,” she writes, “are born to stroll.”
While I’m writing about exercise, you may have seen references to the recent study which concluded “[h]ealthy lifestyle habits are associated with a significant decrease in mortality regardless of baseline body mass index.” If you’re interested, the full text is here. (I also realize that not everyone cares ;)
On a different note, Seanan McGuire has a great “Dear girls of the world today” post on her blog:
Collect dolls or knives or books or interesting rocks. Watch horror movies or romances or cartoons. Run races; go to spas. Eat cake or lettuce. Buy yourself a toy light saber and make your own wooooom noises while you wave it around; build a cardboard castle and chuck plush mushrooms at your would-be rescuers. Live your life, the way you want to live it, and understand that no one can kick you out of “the girl club” for doing it wrong, because you’re not.
May is Mental Health Awareness month:
Mental health is about more than mental illness. Please don’t hear “mental health” and just think “crazy people”, or even, more enlightenedly, “people with mental illnesses”. Health isn’t only a topic for sick people, and that’s just as true in the psychological as the somatic. — Siderea
I found this lesson in illustrating wheelchairs from someone who uses one rather illuminating.
Also: May the Fourth be with you!
Quoting this here, because sometimes I need the reminder that I don’t control my sleep needs.
S]ocietal pressure [to go short on sleep], what nationally recognized sleep expert Dr. Mark Mahowald calls “the pervasive, erroneous attitude that sleep is not a biological imperative, that it is negotiable. We have raised sleep deprivation to a badge of honor.” […]
Most adults need seven to nine hours of sleep a night. The amount a person needs is genetically determined, Mahowald said. “Some people might need four hours on the short end, up to 10 on the high end. We have absolutely no control over this.”
Anyone who uses an alarm clock ”is by definition sleep-deprived,” Mahowald said, “because if the brain had received the amount of sleep it wanted, you would have woken up before the alarm went off.”
- from “We are a sleep-deprived nation”
I don’t always control when I’m sleepy or how much sleep I need. But I do know that not getting enough sleep is the easy way to induce depression symptoms in myself.
[an occasional exercise in gratitude]
1. The man of the house is no longer in the hospital with a 104F (40C) fever. (That…was scary.)
2. My new job has better health insurance than we had previously. (I’d prefer a single-payer solution, but it’s what I’ve got.)
3. Hospice care is providing more monitoring for my father to help avoid surprises and ER visits — and they come to HIM, which is much better than ambulances.
4. My father is happy in the care home where he lives and is getting good care.
5. Supportive friends and chosen family, for helping me to stay sane.
About 10 months ago I began to view my bedroom as a haven. It’s not just mine; I share it with the man of the house. But the bedroom has none of my dad’s unpaid bills, bank statements, or benefit applications. It didn’t have boxes of belongings to sort through. It didn’t have my exploding to-do list. It especially did not have hospital or nursing home staff who expect me to do more or care more or be with my dad 24/7.
In our bedroom I began to consciously put that all aside. “I can’t do it here. So I won’t waste effort on it now.” Crossing that threshold meant I was safe. In time it also extended to the adjacent bath. Later I began to think of other things I put aside here. I let down my “fat guard” and a few other fears — usually in my house, but always in our bedroom.
Tonight I sought that haven deliberately. The stressors are a bit different tonight, tho dad things are part of it. But again, my to-do list is not here. This is my haven. I’m glad.
I’m not sure when I realized that yes, maintaining a regular schedule is GOOD FOR ME, if only because it helps me sleep regularly. Adrenaline does not automatically kick in to cover for lack of sleep now — perhaps it’s getting older?
But anyway. Regular schedules. Regular sleep is good. Regular schedules also means I take my asthma meds regularly (even more important when I have a cold) and, oh yes, my antidepressants.
Regular meals is also good. This spring, with my dad in the hospital and later a nursing home (all as I was starting a temp job after a stint of unemployment) I wasn’t exactly eating regularly: Too much to do, not enough time to think about it, and I definitely didn’t want to take the time to plan meals ahead of time. Lately I’ve taken an idea from The Fat Nutritionist and set an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat lunch. (The man of the house usually puts dinner in front of me, and breakfast I more or less grab automatically.)
It seems both incredibly mundane and incredibly frustrating to me to realize that my life works better with structure. It feels like too much structure to me. I want to be free to do what I want, to be able to make evening plans on the spur of the moment instead of “Oh, dinner’s in the crockpot and will be overdone if I stop for dinner near work.”
But, y’know, I’m over 40. Maybe one of these days I should grow up or something.
[an occasional exercise in gratitude]
- Things appear to be getting into “routine” with the parent, instead of “crisis-to-crisis”.
- I’ve also been able to cross some major tasks off my list, and more are in sight.
- Adding more tasks to my to-do list (managing the parent’s mail and bills, coordinating his care, etc) is making me focus on priorities more.
- I have a credit union I am happy with for checking, savings, mortgage, & credit card.
- My IRA is with The Vanguard Group, which is owned by the the investors.
- The man of the house, for being here.
Unvirtuous Abbey (“Digital monks praying for people with first world problems”) tweeted this week:
For those who have to carry the burden of what they see but are limited in what they can do, we pray.
That … says a lot, actually.
For many of us worldwide media means that we see much more than we can act upon. So many causes. So much suffering. So much. Toss in a 40+ hour-a-week-plus-commute job, a house, a parent needing care, and … it’s a bit more than I find easy to cope with.
Lately I’ve almost felt like I was drowning.
I’ve pulled back a bit, been online a bit less. This weekend I focused a family member’s birthday and some around-the-house tasks. Tomorrow I go back to work. I’m planning focus on getting to bed earlier this week and planning lunches instead of relying on beef jerky and dried fruit. Wish me luck…
[an occasional exercise in gratitude]
- My father has been in his new Adult Family Home for over a week and is doing well.
- The political-bloggers-with-zombies novel Feed that I’ve been compulsively re-reading for the last year did not win the “Best Novel” Hugo but it came in second. Feed and its sequel Deadline are by Mira Grant aka Seanan McGuire.
- While I did not get to Worldcon this year, I do get to enjoy this ustream of the comedic “Just A Minute” competition, including discussion of various Apollos, the seven dwarves, parallel universes, what’s wrong with steampunk, and Seanan McGuire requesting a big boo for Bill Willingham.
- I am getting better at enjoying things without feeling that I have to own them. For example, a password book, a typewriter bookend, or a Crayola rollerball pen, or the entire ThinkGeek “Geek Toys” catalog (including an Adipose stuffie!)
- Cooking at home and relaxing with the man of the house.
How’s the week going for you?