…and on the weekend we’re more likely to go for a more intimate option. This post is about the practicalities of having sex as a very fat person and is likely not “work-safe“. If you’re at work, read it later. Or if reading about sex is uncomfortable, please don’t read it.
Roseanne went on the air when I was in college. I remember comments about how impossible it would be for Roseanne and Dan to have another kid because their bellies would prevent them from having sex!
In my case, I began having sex when I was in my late 20s. At that time I weighed over 330lbs, with a body similar to the one I have now. I’ve had intercourse with 7 men and 2 women (a bit higher than average for American women according to the CDC). Some of those people are taller than I, some shorter. Some are thin, some are ~400lbs.
I’ve learned that which position works “best” depends on both partners and how their anatomy works together.
As you may have seen, I have large breasts, a large belly, and sizeable limbs. I’ve done the missionary position with partners who have bellies of various sizes, though not as large as mine. No, my belly doesn’t hang down enough to block the missionary position.
I have also enjoyed the “penetrate from behind” position, usually on elbows and knees. I personally haven’t had much success with “woman on top” positions, but a similar-sized woman friend find it works very well for her. I’ve also enjoyed oral and non-penetrative forms of sex.
The problems I had with various positions:
- Hip flexibility. If my partner has big hips, and my hips aren’t being flexible, that can be a problem in the missionary position or other positions where my legs need to open very wide.
- Angles, specifically the angle of my vagina compared to my partner’s angle. If laying down, pillows under the hips can help adjust the angles.
- Clitoral and G-Spot stimulation. This relates, again, to how my partner’s body fits with mine.
- Comfort. It’s hard to orgasm when a position is giving you muscle cramps, or if there’s too much weight on your chest to breathe deeply.
- Balance. I don’t enjoy being on top for long because I don’t trust my balance. I certainly wouldn’t want to “let go” enough to orgasm on top. So I don’t do it.
Of those four, about the only one you can affect is your flexibility. The rest? If it’s an issue, say so and try a different position. Experiment. It’s okay.
Yes, really, it’s okay.
I find that a sexual encounter is a collaboration. It’s about mutual pleasure. It’s enjoying each other, and exploring each others’ sexual responses. If I’m not comfortable enough with myself and my partner to say, “Let’s try something else,” then I shouldn’t be there anyway.
On a few other notes…
- I have had 1 male partner with whom “from behind” just doesn’t work. I’ve had another with whom missionary hasn’t worked. It’s okay.
- Have I ever worried about “breaking” a partner? At first. I got over it. If I’m worried I’m putting too much weight on my partner, I ask. (It’s not like I’m tackling my lover!)
- Generally I have managed both lowering STD risk and preventing pregnancy using condoms and lubricant.
- It’s a good idea to be clear with your health professional about your sex life and need for PAP smears, STD screenings, and the like.
What experiences have others had?